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Kids Are The Masters Of Throwing Shade. These Tweets Are Proof

"My 8yo was putting sunscreen on my back and said 'it feels like I’m rubbing a pig', in case anyone wonders why I’m drunk later."
By 

Parents editor at HuffPost UK

Yuliya Taba via Getty Images

Part and parcel of parenthood – or, indeed, having any interaction with children – is that you’ll be on the receiving end of some seriously painful burns in your lifetime. And no, we’re not talking about the physical kind.

Kids are notorious for having zero filter, whatsoever. And most of the time it’s pretty hilarious to witness – until, of course, you’re on the receiving end and you wind up removing yourself to the nearest small, dark room to sob hysterically.

If you’ve been told you have skin like a pig recently, or perhaps your hairstyle has been mocked by a merciless five-year-old, know that you’re safe in this company...

1.

My 6yo said to my husband, "You’re the oldest person in this house…but you aren’t as old as 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 trees."

At least he's got that going for him.

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) October 25, 2021

2.

I was lying on the floor crying with intense back pain when my 4yo came over and lay down next to me. She looked into my eyes and said softly “mummy please can you move, I need to do my ballet here”

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 7, 2021

3.

oh my god, went to get a package downstairs and bumped into my neighbour's kid in the lift, she asks "do you have chicken pox?" so I reply "no I had it when I was your age!" then she goes "why do you have spots on your face then?" 💀

— Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) May 12, 2023

4.

My 5yo asked me to come to her “restaurant.” Thought we were playing pretend. I got the special & ate the best make believe sandwich. She told me it was 1 dollar. I went to hand her my invisible $$$ & baby girl said, “no go get me some real cash”

I wanna speak to the manager 😩

— Eunique Jones Gibson (@eunique) November 12, 2021

5.

3yo, playing with her dolls: Mommy, I love you!

Me: Aw I love you too.

3yo: Oh. That was actually my baby talking to me.

Me: Oh.

3yo: Nobody said that to you.

Me: Right.

Me: Sorry.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 9, 2023

6.

I fell asleep with wet, curly hair last night and was frightening looking this morning, but my 6yo said I “only look a little worse than usual” so there’s that

— Anna (@AnnaDoesntWant2) November 7, 2022

7.

My 6yo said he wanted to “make YouTube videos” when he’s older. Husband said “oh, like mommy does?”

“No, dad. GOOD videos…like @MrBeast .”

😆 touché bud

— Mama Doctor Jones | Danielle Jones, MD, FACOG (@MamaDoctorJones) April 15, 2023

8.

My 3yo said “hi old lady” to our 50 year old neighbour so at least I don’t have to worry about her stopping to talk to me anymore

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 15, 2020

9.

My 4YO said, “did you know some 10 year olds still have moms that are alive?” and I don’t know if this is just a random observation or a veiled threat.

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) November 16, 2020

10.

My 8yo was putting sunscreen on my back and said “it feels like I’m rubbing a pig”, in case anyone wonders why I’m drunk later.

— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) June 2, 2018

11.

a little boy came up to my 4yo daughter and another little girl and said “who wants to chase me!?” and my daughter said “no one does and we are never ever going to do that” and I was like damn I wish I’d been that level headed about boys right out the gate

— sweatpants cher🔸 (@House_Feminist) February 27, 2018

12.

I'm wearing yoga pants today, and my 4yo looked me up and down with scrutiny and said, "You look...free" 🤣

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) April 23, 2021

13.

Kid tried to teach his 8yo friend meditation. He was so disappointed when his friend didn’t take to it he said, “sorry it looks like you will probably be an alcoholic then.”
Apparently I have taught my child that the only coping mechanisms available are mediation and alcohol. 😂

— RanaAwdishMD (@RanaAwdish) September 29, 2020

14.

My 8yo said I ruined his life. I’m so proud of myself because I didn’t expect to do that until he was at least 15.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 11, 2018

15.

Was feeling cute until my 9yo said I looked like Marge Simpson pic.twitter.com/2ceArxDOdk

— ghost mom (@radtoria) June 7, 2019

16.

Took my 9yo to school. I don’t usually get to. I said bye but she walked straight in. No word, no hug, not even a wave. That’s weird, I thought. Had I upset her? That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was “really embarrassing”

— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) November 9, 2022

17.

I said good morning to my 9yo daughter and she hissed at me.

— 🌙T͙a͙t͙t͙e͙d͙ M͙o͙o͙n͙🌙 (@Tattedmoon22) May 10, 2021

18.

rude shit my 10yo has said to me lately.

10: i’m so glad parents today aren’t as strict as when you were a kid
me: yeah
10: especially your parents. they were strict even for the times
me: mhmm
10: it really messed up your quality of life

— tori williams douglass (@ToriGlass) November 22, 2022

19.

“I remember when I thought Dad was the funniest person in the world,” my 10yo daughter, off-handedly, said to her sister.
And now I am a small mound of ash waiting to be swept up.

— John Moe (@johnmoe) February 6, 2019

20.

Today I was wearing a black turtleneck and my 10yo daughter said, "Who are you? Steven Speilberg?"

— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) October 4, 2017
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