The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
never really understood why a bad bitch like miss piggy threw herself at that goofy green frog but there is something about a skinny musician that makes women lose their better judgement
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) February 28, 2023
what doesn’t kill you makes you kind of nervous for the rest of your life
— trash jones (@jzux) February 28, 2023
Michael B. Jordan is cute but doesn’t have any edge. He just look… idk… responsible. He look like he know where his birth certificate at
— wiz fajita (@trillary_banks_) March 1, 2023
totally. just choose a school and say you went there. https://t.co/B6A6sFvVnm
— Marisa Kabas (@MarisaKabas) February 27, 2023
New way to describe self just dropped. pic.twitter.com/qORGKBv3H6
— Charley 🏴 (@xennialmorph) February 26, 2023
My checked bag was over the weight limit so I had to take out all my books and now I’m walking around LAX with a dozen works of obscure lesbian literature bundled in a coat like I’m some kind of modern day Belle from Beauty and the Beast
— Drew Burnett Gregory (@draw_gregory) March 1, 2023
Stealing candy from a baby might be easy AF but finding a baby with candy is the tricky part
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) March 2, 2023
i saw 12 years a slave in one of those theaters that serves food and during the climatic scene when Lupita's character is publicly whipped my chocolate sundae came out but the lady couldn't find me so she called out 'WHO GOT THE CHOCOLATE SUNDAE' and I had to raise my hand
— Nori Reed (@realnorireed) March 2, 2023
probably my favorite breakup story is that i ended things with a guy who had two eggs in my fridge & he went to the fridge & got the two eggs, one in each hand, glared at me, and left.
— sarah rose etter (@sarahroseetter) March 2, 2023
Cocaine Bear is female? Okay, Bechdel test!
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) February 25, 2023
was screensharing in a recording today and realized i had multiple tabs open searching "do cats feel love?"
— Kate Willett (@katewillett) March 2, 2023
him: don’t start
— nu 💋. (@aaniayatanaee) February 27, 2023
me: pic.twitter.com/HQRxjyMMUG
I wish you could mute names and topics in real life so that everybody would just know not to bring it up around you
— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) February 25, 2023
what browsing my hinge options looks like https://t.co/xEwhZFol8L
— Sanjna (@sanjnaselva) February 25, 2023
guys……………….. i just realized this 🫂 emoji is two people hugging. i have really bad eyesight and i thought it was 🎥 and i couldn’t figure out why people were commenting a film camera on my sad posts. i thought it was a meme i missed and just never investigated it
— latke (@latkedelrey) March 2, 2023
QUICK QUESTION:
— mariana Z (@mariana057) February 28, 2023
Is it "for fucks sake" or "for fuck sake"
It's for a work email, so has to sound
professional.
the older i get the more I think sometimes the advice people need to hear most is just "get a grip"
— rebecca jennings (@rebexxxxa) March 1, 2023
Totally fine that my therapist ends all her texts to me with periods. That’s probably a code of ethics thing.
— Clara Olshansky (@ClaraOlshansky) March 1, 2023
me: why does my back hurt
— Invis🍒 (@invis4yo) March 2, 2023
my posture everyday from 9-5: pic.twitter.com/w0HEXtYTPs
As soon as the “small minds talk about other people” person leaves the room unfortunately I’m going in on them too
— Marcia Belsky (@MarciaBelsky) March 2, 2023
obsessed with how insurance will be like "we cover your whole body EXCEPT your teeth and eyes, we have no idea what's going on there. anyway the plan is $3,000 a month. and again, NO TEETH, NO EYES. you can see one doctor, his name is Todd."
— Lane Moore📕YouWillFindYourPeople (@hellolanemoore) March 2, 2023
brooklyn is like: pic.twitter.com/JXAnYaSE4e
— sarah jae (@sarahjaeleiber) February 26, 2023
it’s amazing that there is one sitcom on television that shows the people of Philadelphia being wholesome and celebrating community and one sitcom that shows the people of Philadelphia to be the most depraved and deranged people alive
— almond taylor-joy (@jesterbestie) February 27, 2023
shazaming a song is the most humiliating thing on god's green earth
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) March 2, 2023
I’m at my most insecure, when Microsoft Word asks if I want to save changes to a document, when I’m sure I didn’t make any changes.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) February 27, 2023
Welcome to adulthood, you're now willing to spend up to half your free time Googling the symptoms of random diseases you don't have, just in case.
— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) March 3, 2023
it's a well-kept secret but the actual reason people get married & make fewer friends in their late 20s and early 30s because a decade of adulthood is the point where the overall narrative gets too convoluted to explain to new people
— Ruth Hook (@ruthhook_) February 28, 2023
For employee appreciation week my boss told our team we could pick our "treat" and asked me 1st and I immediately blurted out "ooooh a soft pretzel please" and my coworker gave me the shittiest grin as he requested 2 additional personal days, which were granted and I-
— McErin☘️ (@colleen_eileen) March 2, 2023