funny stories

"Dear Sainsbury's, it is with a sad heart that I write to inform you that your lettuce made me fat..."
Sainsbury’s shopper Leila Jayne Daly was making herself a nice salad one day when she noticed something a bit gross - a worm
As a receptionist by day and a comedian by night, it's always good to get a story from the office that people can relate to. I'm currently in the middle of writing my second solo hour show and I've been putting together some of my most memorable day jobs over the last couple of years.
A thief who broke into an elderly man's car to steal a blanket has apologised with probably the politest note on the planet
"Beer thieving pig gets drunk and start a fight with cow" Great headline, however I'm sure it's something that goes down in many Australian households every Friday night.
As the eldest of three boys in a single parent family, the pressure to pretend everything was okay was unbelievable. It wasn't okay, our mother was mysteriously overseas and us boys were very far away from understanding why.
So last night my girlfriend and I got stinkingly pissed. We came home and passed out on the bed. I woke up three hours later and went to the toilet. As I stood up urinating I started feeling dizzy and like I was gonna pass out. I knew I was blacking out and needed to get myself to the ground but was still pissing and didn't want to get piss everywhere.
I want to recount to you the creepy thing that happened to me last year. Some of you will remember it from the time. Others of you will be new to this. Either way, since that time a lot of information has come to light. I hope it will be of interest to you...
This week I embraced padded shorts. Needless to say I was shocked to learn what design choices were used on the inside. I mean, basing it on a David Bowie costume is niche.
For some baffling reason, my upstairs neighbour seems to think it's okay to have a power shower after 11pm. Repeatedly. And after midnight. And usually 1am. And 1.15am. Then 1.20am. And 1.25am. And so on. Sometimes one after the other from 1am to 3am.