I forgot my parents’ names and my favourite colour. I forgot how to walk. I no longer even knew whether or not I liked yoghurt.
Dad can't make memories like you and me, so I make them for him with the posts I share on Instagram. I wanted to capture the happy moments to show that, although dementia changes the way he does things, it doesn't prevent him from doing them completely at this stage. He is still the person we have always loved, he is still my dad.
Imagine all your memories, amassed over a lifetime, handwritten in tiny lettering on a deck of cards, neatly stacked in chronological order. Then imagine someone deftly shuffling this deck: fancy fingerwork as they expertly weave and riffle the cards until there is no order whatsoever.
The first day you did not recognise me will stay with me forever, even though I wish I could forget it. It hurts to know you do not know who I am anymore. After the amazing time we had together, I guess I just do not want to believe it is over.
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I can say with confidence that I'm losing many of my cognitive abilities. If you need someone to help you remember something, don't ask me; I am most definitely not your girl. My fiancé has learned not to start any question with, "Do you remember...," because the answer will always inevitably be no.
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