Beards are not just a fashion statement. By growing new lines on your face, you are also drawing new social lines in the sand (see what I did there?). I'm finding I get much more respect from my fellow man, people seem to take my opinions more seriously and I don't feel I have to fight so much to be heard anymore.
When John Lewis decided to take on 'hobo chic' and star a bearded man for their new menswear range, it was perhaps the most on trend action the old British traditionalist giant has taken. Whether it is an Autolycus style or chin curtain, facial hair is rearing its bristly head up and down the country.
You pay your money, stand in a field, and a man in a vest with a wispy moustache shouts at you for an hour. While this happens, your body is forced into all kinds of unnatural positions known to acolytes of the craft as "the press-up", "the star jump", the "run to the fence and back MOVE!" and - I shudder at the memory - "the burpee".