Downstairs Mrs Flush prepared a breakfast of marmite and peanut butter on toast. Three minutes were spent staring into the fridge until she remembered she was looking for a plate. After removing her dressing gown and opening the window she settled down to read her latest copy of 'The Turbulent Times'.
Just like the grand old disease itself, the Great Plague of 1665 is riddled with painful, blotchy mistruths and phlegmy, boil-smattered rumours that have left it overwhelmingly disfigured, lacklustre and dispirited. We're here to clear up just a few of the myths that have hindered this well-regarded pandemic and set the bubonic (and to a lesser extent pneumonic) record straight.
So... bread... bread knowledge... 350g of butter?! Four eggs?! A single prove?! ARE YOU CRAZY?! YOU'RE ON THE LEDGE MATE, I NEED TO TALK YOU DOWN. Oh no wait, I have no idea. But these people are just as useless! Most of their bakes were shit. 'The star baker in bread bake has always gone into the final' Really? I'd be surprised if any of them make it.
Not wanting a repeat (strange that, they normally love a repeat ) of Alex Mitchell, who in 1975 supposedly shuffled off to heaven while howling hysterically at the 'Kung Fu Kapers' episode of the Goodies, they (the BBC) therefore decided that for the sake of the nation's health, they'd make the current Sitcom Season as unfunny as possible.
I'm sure you have a knowing grin on your face already having just read the title of this piece. What is with the Hollywood portrayal of birth? I mean lets face it, there's not a lot of glamour involved. I thought I would look at some common movie-birth themes, and compare them with a dash of reality.
Comedy is a weird one. One minute you're performing to 12 people (8 of whom are comedians) in a room above a pub in Leicester Square with no microphone, no stage lights and a potted plant as a set piece and five years and a lot of miles later you can sell out your own show at The Lowry. Then, if you get super lucky, you get to do some TV.
A colleague suggested that the best starting point would be to use a free online service to prepare 'auto-detect' subtitles, which could then be proof-read and edited before being exported and attached to the new version of the movie for Amazon. This seemed like a damn good starting point. It worked! Well, it sort of worked.
I'm recently fallen victim to a profound, life-changing affliction; one that has shaken my being to its very core. It's one that affect millions of people every year and, due to its sensitive nature, is often not discussed. Well, I'm no longer prepared to be a silent victim. I recently ate some less-than-perfect chicken nuggets and subsequently, suffered a violent bout of The Squits.