All images, unless stated, owned by the BBC. WARNING: This is jam-packed with The Great British Bake Off spoilers because - well - it's all about The...
I remember my first day in the tent, someone started by giving us instructions on how to use the ovens and hobs but I didn't listen to a thing, being absolutely in awe of the situation. Now though, I look back and see that information could have come in handy.
Mel and Sue were drowning in French jokes. Plus there was that awkward moment when Mel and Sue joke about leaving the show and having enough... when in the future they will be leaving the show and will have had enough...
Is 'Tudor' born to be a Bake Off theme? Or was it just the BBC sound team trying to prove their eerie Potter-style plucking soundtrack was worth the money?
What of Love Productions' apparent greed? Well, an independent business, with salaries to pay, overheads to cover, other creative ideas to support, can surely be forgiven for wanting to make hay while the sun shines. And it could easily have gone the other way for them. What if, after six hardworking years, the BBC had said, "Thanks, but no thanks to any more".
So... bread... bread knowledge... 350g of butter?! Four eggs?! A single prove?! ARE YOU CRAZY?! YOU'RE ON THE LEDGE MATE, I NEED TO TALK YOU DOWN. Oh no wait, I have no idea. But these people are just as useless! Most of their bakes were shit. 'The star baker in bread bake has always gone into the final' Really? I'd be surprised if any of them make it.
The final of the Great British Bake Off did not disappoint. More than 14million viewers tuned in to see Tamal, Nadiya and Ian bake, among other things, classic British cakes.
There is no morality to food. It is sustenance, joy, sharing, culture, and just plain fun. We were given taste buds and pleasure centres in our brains for a reason. And bodies that live, breathe, play, and love.
All three look to have pulled it out of the bag when it really mattered, but there can only be one winner. Who is going to claim the most sought-after tent-based accolade in television?
When it comes to the judging, Paul Hollywood suggests that Ian hasn't done enough with the time, it seemingly having slipped his mind that - let me repeat this - Ian's MADE A FULLY-FUNCTIONING WELL. FROM CHOCOLATE.
Innuendo of the week: "It's important that you fill the horn right to the bottom so that you enjoy every mouthful" I can't help but think Mary Berry is just trolling us now.
Whilst no-one has gone quite as outré as Ian with the decorations, everyone's still making the most of the time available to perfect the presentation. Everyone, that is, except Mat, who sits calmly drinking a cup of tea and picking at his leftover ingredients while the others sweat over the intricacies of their showstoppers.
For months now I have been bullied and pressured by my peers into doing something I had no previous interest in doing. Something that would drain my time, leave me confined to the sofa gaping gormlessly into space, something that in all likelihood would give me the munchies. I am talking, of course, about the Great British Bake Off.
Paul Hollywood sets a technical challenge of a dozen gluten-free pitta breads. In fact, it's as if he doesn't realise that a prime-time television show needs a bit more spectacle than some amateur bakers staring at a proving draw before turning out some dull, oval flatbreads.
Innuendo of the week: "Right, let's get into the bottom!" Judge Paul is VERY keen to taste contestant Paul's cheesecake. I told you there was a bromance.
For the showstopper round, the contestants must bake 36 biscuits and put them in a biscuit box. No, not a biscuit box, but a biscuit box, that is, a box made of biscuit. Oh, and the biscuit box must be made of different biscuit to the biscuits that are inside the biscuit box. Clear as mud.