On my wish lists each year, sometimes every six months depending on how things are going, 'Hollywood teeth' always feature along with the ususal suspects: some rock hard abdominals, a book deal, and a Cartier Love bracelet, one must dream.
Throughout my film-going life, effects have been if not quite a dirty word for certain audiences, then one met with a weary roll of the eyes. But I've also always felt the snottiness around effects arose because they reminded critics in particular of the movies' origins as a circus entertainment, a trashy diversion designed to thrill sensation-hungry crowds.
Every generation has a sci-fi film that defines it, a game changer. 2013 sees Gravity hitting cinemas and this doesn't just change the game but win the game, start another one and win that too. Gravity is nothing short of a revelation and THIS is what cinema is all about.
Your romantic partner experiences a huge success; a big pay rise or their first novel is accepted for publication - how does that make you feel? If you are a man, you would be feeling worse about yourself, according to the latest psychological research.
For football fans of a certain age who were brought up believing FA Cup Final day to be the height of human existence, it wasn't just about the game, it was about the 'build-up'... The same can be said for award ceremonies. The Oscars are the epitome of the build-up, and also the build-down. The chat, the TV shows, the red carpet and the event itself.
Modern literature suffers from the lack of an epic novel which encompasses and defines the times in which we live, containing as a result that elusive but necessary quality of timelessness necessary to accord it the status of the classic. Having just read Victor Hugo's magnificent Les Miserables, this lack of serious literature in and of our time is even more evident.
You remake Girl With The Dragon Tattoo because millions of people can't be arsed to read subtitles. You do a hundred versions of Macbeth because the writing is so complex and universal that each one can yield myriad subtext or reflections on our own modern-day existence. Point Break is Point Break. There's nothing to interpret.
Given we are in an age where traditional media, entertainment and communications are all being bulldozed by a digital, non-location specific cloud approach, standing there with arms crossed refusing to let this international celebration of film spread its glory globally, looking much like an incorrigibly stubborn little Oscars statue, is surely quite backwards.
The Oscars; the one night of the year when under-dressed is definitely not an option. The 85th Academy Awards saw a parade of perfectly preened A-Listers gliding down the red carpet in their Sunday best, and we- mere earthlings- watched on in awe. This year's event certainly lived up to expectations in the 'Best Dressed' category, and -of course- there was a little drama too.
We should, I think, cut Hollywood some slack. It is easy to forget that history is all about dramatic license. Who wants to read a boring account of the past? Which historian does not want to spice things up? And even as far as flaws, errors and distortions go - well, bring them on.
This week Tina Fey said "No Way" to hosting the Oscars and taking the torch from Seth Macfarlane - a man committed to failing upwards in life. It's an announcement that disappointed many who had asked, "Why can't Tina Fey and Amy Poehler just host everything?"
Sometimes I ask myself whether there really is a fate or destiny to things, and it's hard to be sceptical when, three years later, I find myself (along with James Doherty of the National Autistic Society Scotland), not in Hollywood, but on a Scottish street late one Sunday night meeting Joss Whedon.
Ok... I was waiting for the funny to happen... and it never showed. We're used to it, I suppose... we suffered the unbearable Ricky Gervais as host for far longer than we should have had to. But... wow... wasn't Seth MacFarlane awful?
MacFarlane will never be everyone's cup of tea, but the show's organisers would have known this.
As a "writer" and self-professed film lover I had never actually watched an Academy Awards ceremony - or that many Academy Award nominated films. The horrible truth of it all is that I'm very much at home with crap films - I ENJOY them.
It's a film that all can enjoy and be surprised and amazed by.