I shouldn't admit this but I totally relate to Red Dwarf's Lister. He's a lazy, curry munching dreamer with no ambition and even less personal hygiene. I try hard not to be like him and do things like this blog, writing for radio and not being a stranger to showers
For most men in the United Kingdom, the X Factor represents several months of mind-numbing, repetitive singing by people they don't care about, compet...
Back in August it began and on Sunday it will finish. The eighth series of ITV's The X Factor has thrown up some interesting results so far, and this weekend is unlikely to be any different.
The race for the Christmas No 1, once a headline-generating, excitement-building cultural event, has fizzled out in recent years. On the surface, it would appear to be a direct result of there being no actual race - it's largely been a given that the X Factor winner's single would sail to the top of the charts.
When it comes to the X Factor, maybe the mantra that was drummed into us at school sports days is true after all - it's not the winning that counts, it really is the taking part...
The whole 'bullying saga', which inevitably helped to seal Misha's fate, actually did her a BIG favour, for several reasons.
"It's the X Factor's biggest talking point!" The Daily Mail newspaper assures us between endless stories of other big X Factor talking points and tweetpics of No-listers and their recent weight-loss, waving into a mirror wearing a bikini during a Nuts magazine photo-shoot.
The judges, three of whom are on the panel for the first time, have each contributed the most memorably ludicrous moments of the series. Returning granddad Louis Walsh had surpassed the realm of self-parody by week four.
People can be as snobby as they want about Gary - but there's no doubt this man can put on a show-stopping performance. Of course Mark Owen, Jason Orange and Howard Donald were missed - but they're off having a well-earned holiday while Gary continues to thrive on his charity projects.
This weekend is the semi-final of the X-Factor, and while there's one contestant standing head and shoulders above the others, if I were a betting lady, I'd put money on Misha B being in the bottom two again. Britain, it seems, has a problem voting for the best act, and I'm calling it racist.
Being judges (without a jury, mind) is becoming ingrained into our culture. We're constantly told that our opinion counts, we're encouraged to comment, to vote, to Tweet, to share 'what's on your mind.'
Kelly's best comment to date comes when addressing Ellie-Goulding-Without-The-Personality; aka Janet Devlin. After forgetting the words (again) during a crucial performance, Kelly jumped to the defence of her "baby girl" by saying, "you own that stage every week momma, just keep telling everyone that me me? I'm Janet Devlin boo boo."
And the fact is, we live in a world where our newspapers are constantly taken over by drama; our free time is (mainly) spent watching famous-sorts bicker and tell stories in the jungle/on a judging panel/at the High Court - we can't help it. We're drawn to the tawdry details; the naughty bits that should be kept secret; the bare, naked details. As humans, we seem to be programmed that way.
However many hours it takes to watch a series of X Factor, I have to double it. Let me explain...
Faster than you can say, "JLS in boat shoes and thrift store plaid shirts", the pop world has become obsessed with indie. If you're both an Animal Collective enthusiast and shameless pop fanatic like me, you'll notice it feels a bit weird. Like watching your best friend get off with a work colleague at your own birthday party.
It's like going to McDonald's and somehow, without expecting or ordering it, coming out with the finest haute cuisine meal of your life. I only hope we as an audience haven't had our aural taste buds numbed by too many years of fast food music to really appreciate Rebecca's talent.