Mum Shares Postnatal Depression Photo To Remind Parents To Talk About This 'Silent Killer' | HuffPost Life

'I was lower than low, I wasn’t even myself.'

By

Life editor at HuffPost UK

A mum has shared a poignant photo capturing her struggle with postnatal depression to serve as a reminder that we need to talk about this “silent killer”.

Tori Block, from California, US, shared a throwback photo of herself on Instagram breastfeeding her son while feeling overwhelmed by her responsibility as a new mother.

Block said she intended to take the image down shortly after posting, but was encouraged to keep it up after realising she had opened up a conversation with other new mums.

“This is me, at the peak of my postpartum depression,” Block wrote on the post on 15 February. “I was lower than low, I wasn’t even myself. Looking back at this photo I remember perfectly the pain I felt, the dread in waking up everyday, the physical pain that engulfed me from thoughts in my brain.”

Block continued: “I had never known consuming, mind-altering emotion such as this that flooded every fibre of my being, making its way through my veins like a plague.

“This is what postpartum depression looks like, or at least what it did for me. I didn’t want to leave this life, but it seemed like the only way that would rid me of the pain I was in. I didn’t ask for it, it wasn’t welcome. But there it was, and I kicked its fucking ass and beat it to the ground before I let it consume me, or much worse, take my life.”

Reflecting on why she posted it, Block told HuffPost UK she was looking at old photos on her phone, and stumbled across it as she had done many times before: “I decided it was time, I felt a fire within me, a confidence to own who I am and what I’ve been through and let the world know by posting it. I wanted to show society what postpartum depression can look like, and let others know the very real reality of what it can look like.”

She explained at the time, she had asked her husband, Shiloh, to take it because she wanted to look back on it and reflect on the woman in the photo to see how far she’d come, “if I ever in fact did”.

“I decided it was time, I felt a fire within me, a confidence to own who I am and what I’ve been through and let the world know by posting it."”
- Tori Block, from California.

“We need to talk about this silent killer,” Block said. “Postpartum depression doesn’t discriminate, it can happen to anyone. And being open and speaking the truth about this very possible kind of depression can prevent it, or lessen the severity.

“Breaking down the walls of the stigmas attached to mental health is the first step in changing how we view it. Maybe if it were more widely talked about then I wouldn’t have gone so deep into the depression I was in, and I would not have felt so alone.”

The photo certainly sparked discussion among other mums about how postnatal depression affected their lives. One mother commented on the photo: “I feel this photo with my soul. I have one very similar. The amount of nights I cried myself and my baby to sleep; the feedings where I sat just like this crying in pain and in rejection, hating that I was feeling regretful, hating that I wanted to not be near my partner or my baby, hating that it was so different and so much harder than I ever could have imagined. But like you, I fought. And I came back.”

Another mother wrote: “Never delete this. I want to give you a huge hug. I felt like this whilst breastfeeding my one-week-old child feeling blue and overwhelmed. You’ve made me feel... I don’t even know what but I’m sure my heart beat a bit faster.”

Before You Go

15 Facts About Depression

It's Not Just About Being Sad (01 of15)

There’s more to depression than just feeling sad all the time, says Dr. Prakash Masand, a psychiatrist and president of Global Medical Education. Symptoms of depression can include psychomotor (cognitive functions and physical movement) activity changes, trouble sleeping, loss of interest in pleasurable activities, feelings of guilt or hopelessness, decreased energy, trouble concentrating, appetite changes, while others may also have suicidal thoughts or attempts.

It Doesn't Mean You Can't Live Your Life(02 of15)

Being diagnosed with depression doesn't have to stop you from living your day-to-day life or seeking professional help. Most people would never guess celebrities like Brad Pitt, Oprah Winfrey, Billy Joel and J.K. Rowling all battled depression.

It Can Be Expensive (03 of15)

In Canada, one 2012 report found depressed workers who take a leave of absence or schedule in doctor or therapy appointments during work hours, can cost an employer up to $18,000.

New Moms Can Get Hit (04 of15)

Masand says one in 10 new mothers will develop postpartum depression. "This is by no means a character flaw or weakness. Symptoms of depression or the 'baby blues' can occur in many women." Mothers who feel like they do have symptoms should seek treatment and not put it off.

Women Are More Likely To Be Depressed (05 of15)

Masand says women are twice as likely to develop depression as men, and although depression can strike at any age, the average age of onset is 32.

You're More Likely To Have A Heart Attack(06 of15)

Patients with depression are also more likely to have heart attacks and strokes compared to non-depressed individuals, Masand adds. Researchers note some symptoms of depression can reduce your overall physical and mental health, which increases your risk of heart disease or make symptoms of heart disease worse.

It's Not Just Adults (07 of15)

One out of 10 adolescents will have depressive disorder by the time they're 18, Masand says. "Compared to adults, children with depression may be more likely to present temper tantrums, somatic complaints, social withdrawal and mood liability."

It Doesn't Always "Go Away" (08 of15)

If you are seeking treatment or taking antidepressants, Masand adds it's not as simple as being symptom-free in a few weeks. "Medications take time to work, and a 10 to 12 week trial is necessary to achieve remission," he says. He also adds cognitive behavioral therapy and interpersonal psychotherapy are good options to moderate depression.

Depression And Bipolar Disorder Are Not The Same (09 of15)

Sometimes, people are misdiagnosed or use the two conditions interchangeably. Masand says healthcare professionals should also ask about the history of a patient's experience with hypomania and mania — both of which are linked to being bipolar.

Sometimes Being SAD Is More Than Just SAD (10 of15)

Many patients with seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which is winter depression, have undiagnosed bipolar disorder, Masand says. Again, this can be tracked by looking at the patient's medical history, and experience with hypomania and mood levels. Often, professionals (and patients) wait around for the weather to get better to feel better.

Exercise And Yoga Can Help(11 of15)

Masand says studies have shown exercise and yoga can be very helpful with patients with depression. "When you exercise, you release endorphins, a chemical in the brain that brings about a positive feeling over the body." The benefits of exercising in general include longer and deeper sleep, improved self-esteem and confidence, reduced stress and alleviated depression and anxiety.

How Is It Diagnosed? (12 of15)

There are no laboratory tests or brain scans that can diagnose depression, Masand says. Instead, doctors talk to patients about family history, look for depression symptoms and at the same time, rule out other conditions to narrow down depression.

Hidden Causes (13 of15)

Masand says many medications like steroids or isotretinoin have been linked to causing depression. If you recently started taking a new medication and are feeling the symptoms of depression, talk to your doctor or pharmacist about potential side effects.

The Link Between Antidepressants And Suicidal Thoughts (14 of15)

Antidepressants don’t usually increase suicidal thoughts and suicidal tendencies, Masand says, but some studies have shown a correlation with an increased risk in some patients. In particular, children, teens and those under 24 tend to have a higher risk of having suicidal thoughts. In this case, anyone under 24 should be monitored extra carefully for any suicidal behaviour.

Resiliency Can Be A Good Thing (15 of15)

People with the resiliency trait are less likely to develop depression. "The reason for this isn’t totally understood, but resilient people typically have a stronger belief in themselves, don’t let adversity bring them down and are more confident," Masand says. He adds these types of behaviours are also taught in therapy.

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