Brexit. Brexit, Brexit, Brexit.
There are obviously other things happening in the world right now, but never has one topic clogged up the news arteries of a nation quite like this.
You’ve heard it all – opinions from MPs, talking heads and the bloke down the pub. But there are some you probably haven’t heard and never even knew you needed to hear.
The Isis Bride
Just today it was reported Islamic State bride Shamima Begum finds Brexit “so boring” that she watches cartoons to escape it.
Speaking in her first interview since the death of her third child, Jarrah, Begum – who fled her home in Bethnal Green for Syria aged 15 – said she “really regretted everything” and insisted she was brainwashed as she appealed for a second chance to return to the UK.
Speaking to Times journalist Anthony Lloyd, she said she kept up with the political process through a TV in the tent she shares with other wives of foreign fighters in a refugee camp.
She said: “Brexit: it goes on and on without end.
“It’s so boring now that I ask the sisters to flick on to the cartoon channel just to get away from it.”
He said: “Theresa May, bless her, just got that job by default. Boris Johnson running around with his stupid haircut spouting bollocks.
“Young people look and think: ‘If these are the people running the country, why shouldn’t I go and loot and riot?’
“They just don’t give a fuck. This us-against-them-type vibe has got worse. We are living in an age of foodbanks. How the fuck did that happen? Seriously.”
Great question, Danny.
Uri Geller was exposed as (unsurprisingly) having zero magical powers way back in the 1970s, so it’s utterly baffling why he’s still being given a platform for them in 2019.
But he is, and Good Morning Britain did.
Appearing last month via satellite link, Geller told presenters Susanna Reid and Piers Morgan that he hopes that his telepathy techniques can help plant the idea in Theresa May’s head that she should allow the British public to vote again in a second referendum.
He said: “I’m not a prophet and I’m not a guru and a miracle worker but I believe with the power of the mind if we concentrate, no matter how far-out this sounds, together with me at 11:11 every morning AM and PM, just think the following: ‘Theresa bring us to a second vote. Go for a second referendum’.”
So far it has not worked. And never will.
Keeping it brief and punchy, the Tottenham Hotspur midfielder only had two words on the subject of Brexit, but they were straight to the point.
If we’ve learned one thing from Brexit it’s that MPs’ attempts to sort it out have been, on the whole, rather useless. And as desperate times call for desperate measures, perhaps we should listen to what TOWIE star Gemma Collins has to say.
On Monday morning, Gemma was a guest presenter on Good Morning Britain to discuss the day’s showbiz news in Richard Arnold’s absence, but couldn’t resist sharing her thoughts on Brexit while she was there.
“Theresa needs to make a decision,” Gemma said, revealing in the process she’s on first-name terms with the prime minister. “I voted out [and would do it again]. Theresa needs to lead our nation.
“Take a deep breath, Theresa May, make a deal and let’s move forward.”
Absolutely solid advice, if you ask us.
Top of HuffPost UK’s Amazon wish list right now is whatever it is that keeps Ozzy Osborne blissfully unaware of what Brexit even is.
When asked about it in an interview with The Big Issue, he remarked: “People keep going on at me about that – is it a big deal over there? What will happen with it? Are people voting in or out, what’s going on?”
He added: “I don’t read the newspapers and I don’t really talk politics because I don’t really know. I don’t really understand Brexit.”
Unfortunately for Huffpost UK, this utopian state of political ignorance appears to mostly stem from living in a mansion in LA and having spent a significant portion of his life completely off his face.
Speaking about Brexit on Loose Women last year, Mr Blobby said: “Ah, well. “Blobby, blobby, blobby, blob. Blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob. Blob.”
And in all fairness, that makes about as much sense as anything these days.
Brexit is Blobby. Or something...