PND

A lot of my mum friends are currently having a second (or even third! yikes!) child right now. This brings mixed emotions
A lot of my mum friends are currently having a second (or even third! yikes!) child right now. This brings mixed emotions
One morning I woke up, and the fogginess was gone. For the first time in almost five years, a part of my post natal depression diminished. I could see clearer. The days were not completely cloudy and rainy anymore. As I looked outside at my surroundings, the sun's rays streamed through, making everything I saw look brighter
Sometimes memories flash up on my Facebook of my beautiful girls, looking happy, having fun. Sometimes I'm in the picture with them, mostly not. I often struggle to remember that precise day or moment, and I wonder to myself, "Does that make me a bad mom?" 
I hated picturing a mum like I was, stuck at home feeling like she just wants to get out and have some adult conversation - but with nobody local to meet. Let's face it, when you aren't feeling confident some of those baby classes just make it worse! But meeting a fellow mum for a coffee, or soft play, or at the park. That might just be manageable.
Once upon a time there was a woman who wanted a child. She had longed for this child for years. This woman had always known she had wanted to be a mother and was sure with every fibre in her body that she was going to be a great one
You spend months waiting for the new life you're about to bring into the world. You spend ridiculous amounts of money on the perfect outfits, the perfect nursery and the perfect pram to show off your beautiful new addition to the family.
Almost every parent goes through bouts of not feeling like they are a good parent. Almost every parent questions their own gut instincts at times. Almost every parent feels as if they should be doing better, waking up earlier, feeding their child healthier, being more encouraging.
It's not easy returning to work; back to the routine, back to caring about something more than nap times, feeds and tantrum negotiation. I returned three weeks ago, changing from full time to part time. I still work the equivalent of four days a week and it sometimes feels as though I am trying to 'have it all' - but why shouldn't I have my own identity, career and earnings.
Nearly nine years ago I was induced and gave birth to my son. Then he turned three. That's all I remember. I missed three years. I remember parts, but I couldn't tell you what his first words were, when he first rolled over, what his favourite food was, or what we did together.