tweets of the week
"'Sleep when the baby sleeps' is great advice if you can drive with your eyes closed."
"Why is it called bribing your child and not kid pro quo?"
"Parenting is complaining bitterly about someone leaving only crumbs in the near-empty Cheezit box, then eating the crumbs anyway."
"The first hour of getting your kids dressed for school is always the toughest."
"I can raise kids just fine, but keeping plants alive that only need to be watered once a month is apparently out of my reach."
"The first rule of parent club is you never tell anyone that you're going to the bathroom."
"No parenting book tells you how to get pudding out of the charging port of an iPad."
"When you have kids, a three-day weekend is nothing but a painful reminder of what you've lost."