I hate commuting. Don't we all! Eh? However, I don't hate the act of travelling from one place to another. I can read a book (retro), I can obsessively play games on my phone, I can snack on stuff I've found in my handbag... So if that's the case, why do we hate commuting? Because: strangers. And lots of them. Getting right up in your grill.
There is no such thing as an objective reality, when it comes to beauty. Beauty standards are set by money-hungry, old, white men behind big desks and these men make a lot of money off of your insecurities. The more you hate yourself, more you spend and the richer they get. You are beautiful. You are.
I'd changed my Facebook status... I'd sent out up to three different variations of group text (which people only seemed to resent as being impersonal)... I mean Jesus I'd even looked at some people directly in their needy little faces and told them that we were engaged. But that is just not enough for some people.
As a comedian, feminism is something that pops up in discussion for me relatively often. I'm often asked to comment in blogs or interviews on whether there are enough women in comedy, whether we are treated differently and even whether or not we are actually very funny (I mean, I know right?!). So it's obviously a subject that I think a lot about.
We don't intend to drink two bottles of wine when we specifically said we were only going to have one glass. That I would call weak-willed. Falling into the world-wide-web I would label as procrastination. And when we say we have learned our lesson and will never date someone 'like that' again, we genuinely mean it.
Scotland is a country that I adore, but she is letting herself down. Scotland is having a tantrum and behaving like a petulant teenager. And like a petulant teenager, she is neither big nor strong enough to go it alone. Get over yourself Scotland. You are a small country, deal with it... What's so special about Scotland anyway? Well, a lot actually. I think it's one of the greatest nations in human history. For a small country, it has and continues to contribute a disproportionately large amount to the world. Scotland's offerings in science, medicine, technology, music, engineering, entertainment and art are unparalleled. That's not to mention the landscape, the cities, the drinks and the epic women. But that doesn't mean you have to break off and go it alone
You are new, so no matter what your experience beforehand everyone will assume you are utterly crap at telling jokes to people. This can be frustrating when you are trying to assure everyone you are the UK's answer to Sarah Silverman with a bit of Lee Evans thrown in *cough*. The answer? Well, my answer, is to embrace it.
*(Was Mildly Interesting) ... I've realised that waking up to the sound of a human voice - unless it's someone screaming 'The house is on fire!' - is far preferable to waking up to an iPhone alarm (yes, even Slow Rise). I've realised that it is possible to switch off from the internet, especially if you keep your iPhone in another room and you're a bit lazy.
A few days ago I was on my darling, using my time exceptionally well by reading the delightfully snidey and grammatically impressive Guardian comments and listening to the Lord of the Rings soundtrack, when my laptop began to warm up. It was all hot and bothered and making a disconcerting screeching sound.