It was the first time that I had visited A&E and not had to wait. I was raced into the medical room on a gurney, electrodes were stuck on my body to check my heart was not about to collapse. Blood tests taken to check my liver was still functioning and calculate exactly just what I had thrown down my throat.
Bipolar makes me hate you, dislike you and it even makes me think that I momentarily never want to speak to you again. I don't hate you really. I don't know why I am like this but I am at times irritable and agitated.
Mental health problems can be so very isolating at times. Last week I was a bit of a social butterfly, catching up with three friends who I've not seen in far too long. Some days it's tricky, there have been times when seeing people has just been really hard and I've avoided certain social situations. This is a message to my friends...
I was terrified when the kidnappers pounced, my family ran screeching into the trees. My mum tried to free me but didn't know how. I wonder where she is now, was she caught too? My greatest hope is that she isn't chained to a post like me.
Stigma is powerful in it's ability to cause harm and the only way to beat it, is to bring those issues at it's foundations to the surface. As an out and proud sex worker, I've stared stigma down many times.
Several years ago my penchant for sleep and the accompanying lethargy had got so bad I went to see my doctor. I felt there was obviously something wrong with me physically as I struggled to get from one hour to the next.
It is so common to feel anxious, sad, depressed, stressed, scared and lonely. If you are nodding away whilst reading this, you must remember that you are not alone, because there are so many people out there that are feeling the same way you are. I'm one of them.
It's an obvious question: how could hurting yourself provide any relief? Unfortunately I am seasoned to self-harm and its effects. I honestly wish I could be writing this with no scars from the times I hurt myself but I am scarred. I wish I lived without the urges but I occasionally yearn for the pain.
Mental health campaigner and OBE recipient Ruby Wax recently told The Times: "When people say, 'Should you tell them at work?', I say: 'Are you crazy?' You have to lie. If you have someone who is physically ill, they can't fire you. They can't fire you for mental health problems but they'll say it's for another reason. Just say you have emphysema."
Maybe it is like the old adage better to have loved and lost than never have known love at all. Except it isn't really lost - according to the Buddhists, I just need to remove the obstacles that get in contentment's way. Happiness is our natural state, maybe I need to stop trying quite so hard, in every direction.
I think it's a privilege to experience hypo mania. I'm lucky as I don't go out and spend money I don't have nor do I rack up thousand's on credit cards, but what I do experience is feeling like I'm on top of the world stood on a mountain with my arms out as the wind flows throw my fingers.
"I am intrigued to know what kind of life lead to be so selfishly depressed. Deaths? Rape? Abuse? What exactly have you got to be so depressed about."...
I am trying, you may not think so but I am. I honestly can't help nor control this and I'm sorry. Don't shout at me when I ignore you ringing me. I swear it's not you I just I don't feel like I can take your words ringing in my ears. I can't concentrate; I'll forget what you said anyway.
My anxiety and depressive episodes in recent years have impacted upon my life considerably. But finally, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I write to offer a message of hope, a message that hopefully will resonate with many mental health sufferers. It gets better.
Discriminating against race is unacceptable but so is discriminating against mental health. The media are in a powerful position, they can either educate a lot of people or cause a lot of damage. It's about time they stepped up and began educating instead of sensationalising and discriminating.
When it comes to aims and ambitions in life, most people admit that their main aim in life is to be happy. This will mean different things for different people, but when you feel happy, you are relaxed, you are content and you are more confident.