It's important not to "stuff down" negative emotions and to face then head on. The more we face our fears the faster they will dissipate and the quicker we can be free from them. It's not always easy to do but there is a lot of help available these days to help us through these times.
As a divorce lawyer I am often asked what my general advice is for people contemplating or going through divorce. I thought it might be helpful for me to provide a brief summary via my blog in the hope it will prove helpful for people in this situation.
Involving forensic accountants as a matter of course, or even legal requirement, would deter deception and reduce the pain and anguish. if assets were valued at the start of a separation the process of divorce might generally be less fraught.
Some predict that marriage will soon be a thing of the past, and people will no longer see the need to legally bind themselves together. I find this unlikely. Most people don't marry because they fundamentally believe in the institution of marriage itself, they marry because it's the most socially acceptable way to 'keep someone'.
You will make mistakes no doubt about that. You will say things and do things with your child in the room that you wish you hadn't. Then you will spend time worrying that you have somehow permanently damaged him/her.
Many of us get stuck in a rut after a break-up and find it hard to move forward. It can be hard to get over someone when they are constantly in your thoughts. Confidence and self-esteem always take a hit when it's not your choice to end the relationship and hiding away can be a good way of avoiding having to face up to this.
The reasoning behind taking a sabbatical is that it provides a breathing space to reflect on your life, what your relationship means to you, ponder the good and the bad, really consider what it is you want. But are there other ways of reaching that same level of insight and awareness?
Following divorce proceedings, they gain residency of the 'object' that both parents probably care most about. She has one up on the father who is forced to resign his fatherly duties to alternate weekends. But what strain does this then put on the mother?
It is important to learn from ones mistakes. My Blackberry was like my first husband. It was the wrong decision from day one. I should have gone with an iPhone (and the redheaded hockey player who wore his dark side much closer to the surface).
No doubt it will become more usual for both parents to take on more equal roles in parenting in the future - particularly given the changes in parental leave at work that are set to come into force in the UK in the coming weeks.
I longed to be like her. A rebel, an artist, free-thinking, chaotic, always centre stage. She commanded attention: we were all drawn to her, like moths, as she shined out, enveloping us with her light.
Is it fair? Well yes if they did not finalise their financial arrangements at the time of the divorce they have left themselves open to future debate. It is a clear warning to those getting divorced now and in the future to firmly bolt the financial gate behind them.
I'm sorry I've been such an ungrateful son all these years Mum. I'm sorry for the cheap flowers on Mother's Days gone by. I'm sorry I have normally been the one to eat the chocolates rather than to provide them.
I often say that we seem to live our lives based on a magical book of what 'Should or Shouldn't Happen' and that to do so is ridiculous.
Law practitioners who were interviewed for the study also reported that dominant characters, usually professional men, often deliberately chose mediation because they believed that they would be able to control their partners best in this process.
If we want gender equality then this is the reality and women must be prepared for independence.