When people ask me if I ever have Botox and I say, 'Yes, but more in my armpits than in my face,' they look understandably confused. There aren't many wrinkles in the armpits, after all -- but these days Botox is about more relaxing wrinkles.
Six months of house-hunting in London and I still haven't sealed the deal. But I have met estate agents. Dozens of them. And it is almost unsettling; they have not been the rude, arrogant, cretinous benders-of-the-truth that the generalisation might suggest. They are different. Or, more accurately: indifferent... I wanted to interview one of these guys to see what the market looks like from their end...
You don't very often see pimps visibly plying their trade in my neighbourhood these days, which is both a sign of Westminster Council's success in its relentless campaign to crack down on the sex trade, and, perhaps, an affirmation of what the local girls proclaimed loudly and with varying degrees of success in court, after the dodgy police raids of last December.
Times goes at a different rate in the country. It seems only yesterday that we drove out beyond the M25, and the cat pooped on my lap, and we began our new life in a house of flies and dirt and no door-handles. It was actually ten months ago.
I am earning money already and learning how to manage my finances. Whereas if I had gone to University, I would have around £66k debt to pay! To make matters worse, Computer Science graduates are earning less every year, they are earning on average £2,261 less today than in 2007. Instead, I will have earned over £66k creating a difference of over £132k!
The carnival has changed. For my parents, it was a place where they could assert their duality - as Jamaicans living in England. For me and my sibling, it was an opportunity to wave a Jamaican flag alongside others, whilst pretending we were in the Caribbean. Now, the carnival feels like a great big raucous party.
On a recent trip across America, I naturally felt like a stranger in a strange land. Things have moved on and changed a lot during the years of my travels. But some things never change, and I found myself in hundreds of casual conversations across the continent, engaging in the same sort of message repeatedly, a message about things I never knew when I grew up there...
A brilliant young cook called Lucy, the daughter of the cookery writer Jane Lovett, turns out amazing dinners of grilled prawns, tuna nicoise (the finest I've had; from locally caught fish, seasoned hard and given the merest charring from the grill), lamb tagine, soft slices of pork in a tuna sauce and chicken with peppers and lime.
Disobedient Objects has to be the most exciting, dynamic and emotive exhibition I've seen at the V&A. The purpose of this display is to examine the incorporation and evolution of art and design in protest movements across the world and it's very much the first exhibition to attempt this.
It's World Rum Day this weekend (Saturday 16th August), so get drinking the stuff. Here are our favourite places to play pirate and swig it baby.
Luxembourg City lies in the broken jaws of a giant dragon. These are the Marquis de Vauban's great ramparts and buttresses. Perched above deep gorges the citadel is girded with miles of saw- toothed stone, impregnable and massive.
When you think of Camden what springs to mind? Banksy knock offs at the market? Goths? Amy Winehouse tribute acts? Dawdling groups of Spanish tourists? The stench of overcooked sweet and sour chicken? Drunk teenagers throwing up at 2am?
I'm hot, sweaty and wishing more than anything that the guy behind me would stop leaning against me breathing alcohol fumes in my face. Sadly there is no room to escape. I am crammed into a tube carriage, with my 60-litre, mud-covered backpack, dodging evil looks from commuters because I made the fatal faux pas of passing through central London at 8:30am on a Friday morning.
If you don't like motivation, you won't like my music, let's just put it that way. Also, if you like real life s**t you'll love my music. I talk about what's real, such as never having money and every day struggles of life and being oppressed by the oppressors! Basically I make middle finger music.
It's time for an adventure. Three months away from reality, work and looking after other peoples' lives... time to start looking after my own. While I'm using some inheritance money to kick me off, it won't be all five star hotels! I'm budgeting heavily, and enjoying reading travel blogs on how to see the world on a shoestring.
This swapping back and forth between the horrific and the mundane or even jolly, is not uncharacteristic of common ways of ways coping with chronic trauma: the black humour of a doctors' mess, for example. Humour is known to be an effective coping strategy, associated with a lower risk of post traumatic stress disorder.