If you follow these rules and still don't get any MPs at the next general election, worry not. You will have, at the very least, gained notoriety and fame, you will be more powerful than you were and you will have made rich, helpful contacts that would otherwise not have been available to you, and if that doesn't spell political success, I don't know what does.
Not voting in the European elections on 22 May means letting others decide what Europe you will live in and what opportunities you will and won't have in the future. That's why engaging and participating is so important.
It is quite clear now that, 14 months before the election is held, the two leaders of the government are no longer pulling in the same direction and politicking is taking over. It isn't the policy that's driven them apart; it is, for each of them, their own personal survival... For all the surface calm, they are each now trying to destroy the other.
The promised head-to-head European Union debate between Nick Clegg and Nigel Farage has a strange dynamic - both men could emerge as winners.
Apart from 2014 being the 700th anniversary of the Battle of Bannockburn, the year Glasgow hosts the Commonwealth Games, and that Scotland plays host to the Ryder Cup, the vote on Scottish independence is also being held 100 years after the outbreak of the First World War.
So it seems at long last that Miliband has grown into his role, distinguishing Labour's policies from those of the coalition and starting to throw off the shackles of New Labour neoliberalism. We may finally see a return to a pluralist party political scene.
As well as being the new dark horse in British politics, Ukip have become well-known for their radically right-wing politics, unmistakeably expressing racist, sexist, homophobic views - you name it, they've said it. For many they have become a force to be defeated and left to the history books.
As the son of immigrants, I grew up living in a community in North London alongside people from numerous different backgrounds and cultures. I know how much immigrants can contribute to British society and we should welcome those who work hard and make a contribution. However, we have to take seriously, and address, public anxiety over the potential scale and effect of immigration from Eastern European countries.
Do you want my alternative take on Michael Gove's sacking of Baroness Morgan, Wendi Deng's note on Tony Blair, the lack of women in the Commons and the Ukip MEP who doesn't like mosques. Here's my review of the political week in 60 seconds.
If UKIP took itself about as seriously as the Monster Raving Loony Party takes itself, then it would be a laugh a minute. The fact that UKIP does take itself seriously is actually rather sad.
This is my message to the people of Britain: Ignore the populist nonsense served to you by vote-hungry politicians during the last months, especially since they paint this profoundly absurd picture: Romanians will come to the UK to steal jobs, ask for benefits and abuse the public health system... Do not believe them. UK is not besieged by waves of migrants waiting at the borders to invade you.
Ukip MEP Gerard Batten demands that the UK Muslims must sign a code of conduct to show that they reject violence and agree that parts of the Qu'ran should be 'deferred or suspended'. He also warns of an explosion of mosques across Europe. His ignorance about Islam and the Muslims baggers belief...
The country is ready for an economically responsible, socially liberal party. Whether we call this libertarianism or not, this balance makes most sense for 21st Century Britain. I have found my home in the Conservatives. Other libertarians will make their choices. All parties should note this, though; our numbers are growing and we should not be ignored.
Nigel Farage is frequently described as a "populist" and "man of the people" (although seemingly only by his critics), but last week he did something uncharacteristically un-populist...
Then, without warning, this reasonable man stood in some sort of salute and mocked a disabled contributor to the debate with the question: "Are you Richard III?'" It was a bizarre intervention... Surely a man intelligent enough to reasonably argue his case in front of 300 people realises that standing and insulting his opponents will do his cause no good at all?
A couple of weeks ago I took a trip to Auschwitz. It was the day before New Year's Eve and the weather was surprisingly good. The temperature should have been about fifteen degrees colder for the time of year, or at least that it what we were told...