an internationally renowned, professional Transformational Coach and Consultant, published author and radio presenter who has spent more than a decade learning her skills and working with clients throughout the UK and worldwide from her base on the Isle of Wight.
I understand where you’re at because I’ve been somewhere similar. I know what it’s like to be struggling and lacking self-confidence.
Married at 19, I soon discovered not all relationships are sweetness and light. After several years of being criticised, belittled and put down, I had no self-esteem and no self-confidence.
I found myself at the age of 29 divorced, living in a tiny flat with 3 young children. I had flu, the children had chicken pox, I had no money for the electricity meter, and no food in the cupboard.
I had hit rock bottom.
That’s when I made a decision to change everything. I refused to suffer and live that way any longer.
Life looked bleak but I got through that period and out the other side. I found a job and reconnected with a wonderful man I’d known before my marriage. I was able to rebuild my self-esteem and rebuild my life.
I now live a life I love in a gorgeous home on the Isle of Wight with my soul mate. Life is good.
And what I’ve learned through all my life experiences makes me a better coach. I can empathise with my clients and use my history to help others.
Maggie is one of the best coaches in the world, and is one of the top 10% of coaches in the UK.
She is the founder and a director of Break the Cycle Community Interest Company working with people escaping from abusive relationships, with anxiety and needing to re-find their self-worth.
Additionally Maggie is the founder and CEO of Essential Secretarial Services providing ad-hoc secretarial and administration help to SMEs and individuals globally.
Maggie is also a tutor at the Blackford Centre helping distance learning students gain their Life Coaching Diplomas.
The energy gain from this change in perspective can be massive! I'm certainly more productive when operating from a mindset of 'look how much closer I am to my goal and how much I've achieved!' than if I were beating myself up about what I had left to do. I'm sure you will be too.
Are you feeling less confident lately? Do you have days when you are more confident than on other days? You are not alone. We all those days when we feel that nothing we do is good enough, nothing we do is right and we feel unable to tackle new tasks without feeling apprehensive.
I know when I am in a large crowd of people entirely 'on my own' I feel nervous; I have an irrational fear that nobody will even notice that I am there. I look at the little groups of people who do know each other within that large crowd enjoying themselves and the company of each other and that somehow increases my nervousness and the fear.
My teachers have been my parents, my primary school teachers, my senior school teachers, college tutors, my cousins, my children, my grandchildren, colleagues, my friends, my mother-in-law, my husband, my dogs and cats, my tortoise and myself and strangers.
We learn how to eat our food, when to eat our food. How to sleep and when to sleep. We learn the boundaries we must adhere to in school, such as when playtime is, where we have to sit to do our work, what work we have to do, when we can talk and when we must be quiet.
What I have found is that the more I try to fit in to a short space of time, the increasingly harried and disconnected I become. And I find that I don't actually achieve what I set out to achieve in the space of time I have given myself. I get frustrated and annoyed. I don't notice the simple beauty of what is all around me.
That's what's making me think that fear doesn't really exist in any other dimension of our being. I believe it is possible that there is no such thing as fear outside of the subconscious mind. That fear is not real. The case has been made in the past that fear is necessary for self-preservation. But is it?
Whatever happened during your divorce, whether it was difficult or easy, you will definitely be left with some regrets. These will vary but it may be that you didn't get to do what you wanted to do whilst you were married, or that your thought patterns weren't allowed to develop, or you are now hampered by habits you are finding hard to break.
We feel unconfident and unsure of ourselves because we think we are unconfident and unsure. Banishing insecurity is often simply a matter of challenging ourselves in order to prove that we are indeed intelligent and able.
Now before you answer that, I'm not talking about the type of dreams that are so unrealistic they are actually fantasies. I'm talking about the life you imagined you would live when you were so much younger. You know, when it was easy to see possibilities ahead of you.
If you or your life is "stuck", then it is well worth looking back to see if there is anything unforgiven in your past. Remember to forgive everyone, especially yourself. So many people trudge through their lives burdened with guilt for this or that, forgive yourself and let it go.
If you have ever judged someone dismissively, thought they were not worth bothering with, only to have them become an extremely good friend once you got to know them properly, then you will understand the hazards of the judgement cycle. An experience like that may lead you to question your natural tendency to believe your first impressions.
In order to get the most out of your gut feelings, make a definite effort to focus your attention on it more regularly and make the time to care for it. Notice what it is telling you, whether it is saying 'this doesn't feel right' or 'this feels good' or 'Don't do it'.
I don't believe that putting the needs of others first is very healthy. It is vital that you put your own needs first. It isn't selfish to do that, because if you don't put your own needs first and look after yourself, how on earth will be you be able to look after someone else?
Do you feel that you, and other people, have forgotten who you really are? Do you feel you are just someone's parent/partner/carer/sibling? Do you want to find your own identity again and boost your confidence?
29/12/2015 10:19 GMT
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