We Really Disagree With This Ranking Of Festive Food. Do You?

Brussels sprouts and bread sauce in the good tier? An absolute abomination. Please – tell us you agree.
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With all this tougher tier restriction talk, we turn to an even tougher tier ranking system – the Christmas Day menu.

When it comes to Christmas food, everyone has their favourites. Whether it be turkey over beef or roast potatoes over mash, we’re a nation divided on what deserves a place at the Christmas table – come on, we can’t even decide whether Scotch eggs are a substantial meal.

Do you include Yorkshire puddings and peas at Christmas? Or are you a traditional trimmings purist? Do you devour a whole yule log, or do you prefer to lose some eyebrows while lighting a classic Christmas pudding on fire? Perhaps a lovely glass of Buck’s Fizz to start the morning off?

Search trend analysis from card company Thortful has revealed the nation’s favourite Christmas foods, ranking them by popularity.

The team conducted “desk research” to create a list of the top Christmas food traditions. Then, using this list, they analysed search volumes for each search term for December 2019 to create the tier list. But we can’t help but feel this ranking of Christmas food is just a bit... off.

So, in true festive style, we’ve analysed it – to every last detail.

Brits most googled festive food
Brits most googled festive food

Firstly, let’s address the elephant in the room, shall we? Why is there an entire Christmas dinner ranked first (and vegan dinner ranked last)? Why aren’t they broken down into separate elements – because the separate elements, surely, are what makes up people’s favourites and worsts. It’s lazy, ranking lumping the whole thing together – and for that reason, I’m disqualifying those two.

Christmas dinner aside, we know roast potatoes and pigs in blankets are in their rightful places – but seriously, eggnog?! Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve tried eggnog in my life, and I’m assuming many others haven’t either.

Mince pies I can give or take, but they’re ranked far too high for my liking and should come between the ‘good’ and the ‘meh’ tier, depending on how well they’re made. (Shoutout to Waitrose, which ranked the highest in our taste test).

Brussels sprouts and bread sauce: I think we can all universally agree they belong in the ‘give it a miss’ tier because no one in their right mind would deliberately categorise them as actually being ‘good’. (Just me?)

Several desserts make an appearance: chocolate, Christmas pudding, and the classic Italian sweet treat, panettone, are all in the ‘good’ tier. This is fine, I guess, but I still feel it’s a bit too generous of a ranking and they should be no higher than the ‘meh’ tier.

There’s a clear attempt to enrage the parsnip, gravy and stuffing lovers (a.k.a absolutely everyone) – all in the lower tiers. Gravy is the glue that ties everything together – a Christmas dinner would be ‘just fine’ before and, after a dousing of the brown liquid gold, it transforms whatever’s beneath it into ‘exquisite tier’. I demand justice for this.

One more bugbear, if I may. There are quite a few staples missing. Where’s the smoked salmon breakfast with champagne in hand? Where’s the pâté starter? Where are the Christmas crisps? The mighty cheeseboard with all the works (not just one lonely block of Stilton)?

This list produces more questions than answers, if you ask me. Please, tell me you agree.