My tenth confession is a complete embracing of all my imperfections: I'm an idealistic yet pessimistic romantic. I'm a health conscious periodic binge eater. I think I'm so good but I'm super self critical. I'm sweet but I'm angry. I am a bundle of contradictions but again, I challenge anyone to say they are anything other.
How do you grieve for something that's not a physical being? You haven't lost a relative or friend, or your dog that you've had in the family since you were small. You don't get the usual 'I'm sorry for your loss', because have you actually lost anything? For anyone who's been through or going through this then of course the answer is yes.
Escaping from abuse isn't as easy as 'just leaving'. You can't get up and walk away when you decide you've had enough. I wish it was that easy. It is often a long process, a long time of wanting to do it but not knowing how. Then comes how to do it, you need a window of opportunity, a carefully devised plan of action to minimise any threat to your safety.
I spent half of the night messaging him and talking to him on the phone. The end result was me going home early. In my mind this was a triumph for me, I'd managed to go out. However for him, it was also a triumph, a much bigger, much more overpowering triumph. Mine dwarfed in comparison. He knew he'd won.
It's a widely known fact that women take an unfathomable amount of time getting ready to go out. You may think we have gone for the effortless and natural look, but we actually ordered our outfit three weeks ago on ASOS, and have spent the past five hours shaving, tweezing, moisturising, tanning, nail painting, hair dyeing, hair curling and face painting.
Don't ever give up on love. One thing I believe to be true is that, life is ALWAYS conspiring on our behalf, and I have absolutely no regrets in any of it, no matter how hard it got (and boy did it get hard!!). Keep the faith, keep looking ahead and allow your heart to soften, and your dreams to blossom. Don't let life toughen you too much, often when there is a heartbreak it can be a blessing in disguise to allow an even better match in to your life.