parenting tweets

"I got my car stuck in the mud while out with my kids. In related news, I owe $365 to the swear jar."
"My kid told me the second line of the 'we love preschool' song is 'everybody’s having a glass,' and that does sound more fun than 'blast'"
"'I'll see you later today' I whisper, as I pack a sandwich in my kid's lunchbox."
"'Daddy, where do babies come from?' Me: 'New phone. Who dis?'"
"I just had to run my daughter a second bath because the first, and I quote, had a hair in it."
"Your toddler is sooooo cute! - People not cleaning up after him."