The Brit Awards 2013: a masterclass in politeness, pleasant behaviour, modesty, good old formulaic pop music and accomplished banjo strumming for anyone over 21. Their mother's would have been proud. But that's precisely the point, their mothers shouldn't be proud.
For someone so ubiquitous Adele's surprisingly unavailable. Why doesn't she make music videos anymore? Does she promote anywhere but here and the US? Why does she so rarely tweet, and why is one of 170 said tweets in defence of Chris bloody Brown? Why the lack of new music?
Is this the most exciting year for music, like, ever? Bowie's back, there's the Brits 2013 with its most eclectic line-up yet, and now Beyonce and Destiny's Child are reuniting. Now all we have to do is combine these three Bs and get them down to the Brits on 20 February.
Across the table in a Surrey coffee shop sits no ordinary singer. The smile is luminous, the eyes soft, her voice languorous.
New Year's Day is often referred to as "guaranteed first hangover of the year". For the British music industry, I'd hazard a guess that the day after the BRIT Awards sees a hilariously impressive spike in the number of email accounts set to auto-respond with "I'm not in the office today".
The Brits have all got a bit too slick now though, it's treated with a bit too much respect, if you ask me... It is but a TV show with a few awards carved up and spread around... And if I'm not very much mistaken did I detect the faint whiff of a few wrong 'uns miming? I think I did... You know who you are and you should be ashamed of yourselves.
People love music and music on TV is a winner according to viewers. Yet why do we still have so few outlets for music on television?
Winning Best British Single at this year's Brit awards was a win for One Direction, but an even bigger one for Twitter. There is no denying What Make...