I asked some well known friends of mine if they would read it and give me their thoughts. Ricky Gervais said it it was; "funny from beginning to end" David Baddiel said it was; "Very funny" and Jimmy Carr said; "It's the perfect romantic comedy, I loved it". It has been suggested I use a female pseudonym to sell the book, or have a sex change - but I'm not going through that again.
Have you ever felt that perhaps you have too much money? That the money you have set aside for a house, a car or that kidney transplant a doctor has told you that you critically need, could be put to better use? Perhaps it could be better spent making someone else's hand worth more than most people's car, well then perhaps you, like myself, have recently decided to get engaged.
Your reflection in the mirror bears grimacing witness to your new but truly awful hairstyle, the exact opposite of what you asked for. Welcome to the realm of the 'marecut' my friends. An hirsute abomination of your very worst dreams, a hairy horror that style didn't just forget, but Google would happily erase all trace of...
Another month, another comedian goes out to Africa... Thus far I respond to human suffering with my head not heart. I'm a professional and cynical observer of life after all, aren't I? Well I've brought my wife and daughter as human shields - they can shed tears for me. We're escorted by the director of a small charity, and a photographer.
Celebrities seem to be mad for this. Recently we've had Apple, North West, Blue Ivy and Brooklyn. That last one apparently came about because that's where Posh and Becks conceived the kid. Even if that's true, well that's information you shouldn't share with anyone ever.
I had to change. I'd reached rock bottom. It was time to get a life and Groupon was my tool. A Narnia of discounts, a wardrobe into a magical otherworld full of adventure. And since then I've become a Lord, changed my name by Deed Poll to "Max Groupon", and bought property on the planet Mars.
I was not a 'natural beauty' per se. Ahem. I was... gawky. I had pointy teeth at the front. I was whooping cough skinny. I had a big nose for my age. It's a shame it doesn't work for noses the same way it works for IQs. "My daughter has such a big IQ for her age." "Well my daughter has an enormous nose!" *awkward slow nodding.*
I cannot actually remember where this particular bit of advice began and believe it to be deep rooted in my childhood somewhere. It is very simple - 'improvise your way through life'. I remember my late father saying things like 'You hum it and I'll sing it' when I came to him with a challenge. This was his way of reiterating the art of improvisation and no task was ever too large.
Last week it was announced that four sad people with no sense of humour, no discernable social skills, no life, no experience and no self-awareness had complained to the BBC about the lovely Samantha...
There are the matches, the football themed adverts, the miniature flags on strings and now there's even World Cup themed M&Ms (which are quite tasty)! If like me you couldn't really care less, I would like to share some strategies on coping through this difficult time.
Having been one of the lucky ones to snap up a ticket for the opening night of Monty Python's live comeback show yesterday, I still have Always Look on the Bright Side of Life stuck in my head. But just when I thought that penis-shaped swirly canons expelling a stream of frothy bubbles all over the audience was as Pythonish as you could go, it got even better.
In fact, some days I don't even feel sleepy any more. So I think I am ok. "I feel fine," I smile to myself sipping on my super strong coffee. "Today I am going to Get Stuff Done." And it is on these days I decide to leave the house. Big mistake.
It was an arresting image - to see the faces of our comedy elite with the coffin of such an iconic figure. An unintended tableau of England's great and talented comedy pioneers - who have shaped the 80s. And it was weird seeing people you know a bit - only a bit mind - with the coffin of someone who means a lot.
I'm 11 years old and I'm stood at my white MFI desk in my pink bedroom, in a bungalow, in Redditch - home to Rik Mayall, Kevin Turvey and me. I'm holding a purple and black spotted furry photo frame about the size of a passport and wondering what to put in it...
We wrote the film specifically with his voice in mind but as unproven directors with barely a short film to our name at that point, the general perception was that we didn't stand a chance of landing him. We didn't even have any real money on offer, so to actually get him for the part was amazing. 'Rik likes our script! Maybe we're not wasting our time with this film-making thing after all!', we thought.
Last century, along with Trev Neal, I used to present a fake game show on Saturday morning television called Every Loony Wins. It didn't stop there. We also did sketches called Open Looniversity and Looniversity Challenge. On Every Loony Wins a bunch of kids would dress up with planets stuck on top of their heads. They were The Looniverse...
As a child, you can tell a performer is special, but you don't know - or can't articulate - why. You just feel it. As an adult, you can maybe start to pinpoint what it is that creates that magic.
The former Friends star Courteney Cox is the second of her Central Perk cohorts to hit the big five-oh, after co-star Lisa Kudrow, but she's doing it in some style.
The other day, I was scanning down my Facebook feed and saw a status update from a highly-regarded circuit act. He suggested, from listening to various podcasts, that American comics didn't rate British ones too highly. Further down, were comments from London acts, some of whom had gone as far as saying they couldn't name a British comedian they would pay to see.