Charles, Former Prince of Wales, also looked to the future: "I want a real job. I'm 66 and I feel like I have no purpose in life.
Enough is enough though. This Red Nose Day, we want to help change and save thousands of lives by improving healthcare for communities across Africa. By combining your cash with local talent and determination we can make a huge difference and to demonstrate that we're going to follow the refurbishment of Iyolwa clinic by working with Ugandans like Gonza, a local architect who has come forward to lend his skills. Your support will not only help to refurbish this clinic, but will also help to improve healthcare for thousands of people in communities across Africa...
When Anna was three I remember getting out of the shower as she opened the bathroom door and strolled in (privacy being something I lost in 2010). She looked at me and pointed. "Wow Daddy, that looks like one of the Muppets!" It took me a minute to realise that she was comparing me to Gonzo.
I have to say, contrary to everything we're being told, after spending the last three months popping in and out of Muslim countries, my experience is that Muslims quite like jokes at their expense.
Hopefully one day we will hit on the one thing which will cause our art to transcend mere folly and become a flighty dove of pure satire. One day I hope to be as great as Al Murray.
I know this is a nuisance, but the thing is that there are loads of us women. Not all periods are the same. Some women just have a day of cramps and are fairly regular. Others can come on at any minute and will stab you in the eye/ burst in to tears of you look at them funny.
A second motorist flashes me, then a third, this time with eye-melting LED headlights that emit more light than a nuclear explosion. In a state of high anxiety, overwhelmed by the mind-altering pain of the retinal burn, I consider the following possibilities...
In fairness, it can't be easy trying to get people excited about politics in the UK, especially when you've got the likes of David Cameron and Nigel Farage ignoring you like you've just crawled out of Downton Abbey's servant's quarters to feed them dinner.
As such my only New Year's resolution is try to be nicer to people; a task that if undertaken by everyone all at once, might make this tumultuous lump of rock hurtling around an infinite, pointless expanse of space that we call home somewhat more bearable.
This all comes down to the same untruth: that female comedians are all the same, so if you don't find one of them funny, you don't find any of them funny.
I'm also punishing myself each morning by doing 50 naked squats in a full-length mirror so I can witness the full horror of enjoying Milk Tray for breakfast, Ferrero Rocher for lunch and Christmas cake for dinner in HD.
Last year I was constantly not good enough. Not good enough at my job, my friends, my family, my looks. This year somethings gotta give and it really should be the self beating I keep knocking myself out with.
Trust me, I totally understand a lady's right to a little wink wink, nudge nudge. Sex, in a nutshell. It's just, normally, I like to at least know a person's name before I get a good look at their nethers.
Some of us, especially stand-up comedians, can oftentimes find ourselves submerged in puddles as we wade through our sets in dark underground basements just trying to make sense of the world. And using language we believe to know well.
I was lying there in ecstasy, realising that existence and the formal projection of a self are distinctly separate and within the means of human control but all the time in the back of my mind I'm thinking "Does this make me French? Does this make me French?".
The clubs' owners are clearly hoping that if they just get enough women to passively wander in, the men will follow, pay their over-priced entrance fee and then proudly make the most of their gender pay gap to buy an abundance of drinks at the bar.
Neeson now seems to play roles that combine the everyday concerns of middle-age men (being a father and husband), a 'particular set of skills' (black-belt upf**kery), and under-the-radar sexism (women either need to be saved or simply don't feature) to box office success.
Research suggests that as long as interesting, but probably factually inaccurate subheadings are used, writers can get away with putting irrelevant or even dangerous content on the internet.