The six-year-old started screaming. I turned round to see blood and saliva flying towards me and all over his face. I started yelling in shock and shouted to the four-year-old "what have you done?" What he had done was knock one of his brother's teeth out!
There is compelling evidence that the first supermodel was, in fact, Jesus. Now I'm not sure if anyone's ever come up with this theory before, but I've never heard anyone else mention it. So let's just pretend for a moment that I'm a genius, and that the whole concept isn't at all offensive.
The UK is currently enjoying some glorious Spring weather, perfect timing for the Easter Holidays. In celebration, here are 10 simple activities to do with kids which are free (well, maybe a train fare or petrol money) and require little time.
Just as we try to discourage people from buying puppies as Christmas gifts, animal welfare campaigners busily spread the word that the only kind of rabbit to give at Easter should be a toy bunny, or one that's made of chocolate.
This is the way our great community Easter Egg Hunt fizzled out today. Each person walked away with a twinge of bitterness. The sad truth is; this experience flies too close to what we are doing to each other, across the world, through our single minded hunt for "eggs" ...qualifications, jobs, assets, employees, status, ideas, votes, knowledge etc.
Could the message of Easter be that even from the worst loss in history, God can create a different kind of miraculous goodness, that transcends our childish need for simple victory? Isn't that the beauty of Christianity generally?
I honestly don't know what matters and what doesn't any more. Some days I take on the top medics and politicians just seeking the truth and to fight for a better future for children diagnosed with the number one cancer killer in children - brain tumours. Other days I just stare into space wondering what on earth we are here for.
Justin Butcher's Devil's Passion is a welcome antidote to the dull and done to death, a light sandblasting for jaded souls. It's also a timely piece, casting Jesus in the role of extremist preacher, whose dangerous ideas have the potential to cause untold instability in the Middle East and here at home
It is uncomfortable to think about that the £787m we are about to spend on Easter eggs is the same amount as the total humanitarian needs for the Central African Republic and Afghanistan combined for a whole year (funded at 11% and 21% respectively).
Whether it's whipping up whites in a sour or shaking yolks for a flip, eggstraordinary things can be done with those babies. Some of our favourite London bartenders have cracked it and are eggcited to showouef their recipes.
This Easter Christians have an opportunity to reflect on the message of Christ's redemption and commit to putting their faith into action by tackling the injustices that keep many millions of people from a life lived in all its fullness. In the past, people of faith have been seminal in bringing about social change.
The church is rightly finding its voice again, calling for example at this election time for a "fresh moral vision". A vision where people are paid a decent living wage for the work they do, where the vulnerable are cared for and respected. Where government institutions treat people as people not numbers on a balance sheet.
When it comes to chocolate there's something to please nearly everyone: from the milk chocolate Easter rabbit to the dairy-free vegan bar. With such an abundance of choice, the hunt for good chocolate is really an exercise of intellectual and gastronomical exploration.
You can serve these with little soldiers of sugar coated baked puff pastry to dip in, or mix it up as I did with a bunch of other desserts, with something chocolatey too!
Here are some interesting facts about Easter that you may or may not know or know (or not know).
I would urge more people to stray from the beaten path of the generic brands and explore the finer side of chocolate.