The former president, now suspended from social media, congratulated the country on its national Twitter ban.
"My husband and I have been married for 30 years because he lacks the ability to schedule his own dentist appointments."
"I sure tell my family, 'Don't blame me, I don't make the rules' a lot for someone that makes literally every single rule in this house."
"I’ve forgotten how to talk to people in person. What do I do with my arms?"
"My 4yo keeps calling our new puppy 'the puplett' – no one correct her."
"Kids movies really made me believe that the greatest threats on earth were dogcatchers and quicksand."
"I'm not going to look up why 'Gen X' is trending I'll just assume it's because we died."
"We have reached the point where my wife is buying Tupperware to store more Tupperware."
"Found my missing cardigan when my sister posted a FB pic of her wearing it."
"My 4yo is a pretty picky eater for somebody who is currently dipping apple slices into ketchup."