best parenting tweets
"One of my kids hates the smell of melted cheese, so naturally my other kid is going through a nachos only phase"
"I’ve never committed a crime but I have changed my niece’s diaper in the public washroom while she screamed 'YOU’RE NOT MY MOM'"
"Reached into a pocket of my diaper bag only to find a handful of cat food. When asked about this, my 5 year old said, 'in case we see some cats'"
"Only 273 little last minute tasks to get done and we will finally be ready to relax for the holidays."
"Shout out to the mom who signed up for paper plates within seconds of the class holiday party list going live"
"I think my kids got 'Christmas list' and 'prayer requests' mixed up."
"A kids version of the 'Saw' movie but they can only escape by eating a sandwich with the crusts on."
"My kid is asking me questions like 'what is ethics,' and I just want to rewind to the 'do mermaids know what pants are' stage because it was easier."
"Why do I bother sterilising milk bottles when my kid just licked the floor of Tesco."
"My wife still brings up that one time in 2013 I was indecisive about which shirt to wear, after her water broke"