best parenting tweets
"Why do I bother sterilising milk bottles when my kid just licked the floor of Tesco."
"My wife still brings up that one time in 2013 I was indecisive about which shirt to wear, after her water broke"
"Ever put your kid to bed and realize an hour later you’re still watching SpongeBob?"
"Highly recommend teaching your 3-4 year olds about air quotes so you can have hilarious memories about them misusing air quotes."
"The teacher asked what his favourite season was and he said, 'garlic salt.'”
"As a parent I just feel like a big fat liar: Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Mummy and Daddy were just wrestling, etc."
"It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?'"
"Felt like wallowing in self pity today so I googled the net worth of my kid’s favorite YouTuber."
"The thirteen year old got a kazoo. Thoughts and prayers please."
"My kid just saw me take some fries from my husband's plate. Time to find out if he's ride or die."