best parenting tweets
"Trying to binge watch a show when you’re a parent takes about 20 years, apparently."
"My wife and I didn’t renew our vows but we did solve our third grader’s math problem together."
"I asked my 14yo what an expression she used meant, and she started to tell me but then stopped and exasperatedly said 'Ugh, this is like explaining the world to a Pilgrim.'"
"One of my kids hates the smell of melted cheese, so naturally my other kid is going through a nachos only phase"
"I’ve never committed a crime but I have changed my niece’s diaper in the public washroom while she screamed 'YOU’RE NOT MY MOM'"
"Reached into a pocket of my diaper bag only to find a handful of cat food. When asked about this, my 5 year old said, 'in case we see some cats'"
"Only 273 little last minute tasks to get done and we will finally be ready to relax for the holidays."
"Shout out to the mom who signed up for paper plates within seconds of the class holiday party list going live"
"I think my kids got 'Christmas list' and 'prayer requests' mixed up."
"A kids version of the 'Saw' movie but they can only escape by eating a sandwich with the crusts on."