The best thing about Halloween is undoubtedly the fact that it gives us carte blanche to spend the day, evening, weekend or whole week (depending on your partner's enthusiasm for Halloween, of course), watching nothing but horror movies.
I don't like Halloween. I don't like Halloween because Halloween is not scary. I spend an inordinate amount of my time frightening, disturbing and creeping out your children. Figuring out ways to give your kids nightmares is sort of my thing.
A thick fog has descended over Food Tube HQ where some frightfully delicious recipes have risen from the shallow depths of the internet... Mwhahahahahahaha!
The popular rapper Professor Green recently confessed to me that he thinks he might be a WEREWOLF!!... But first, with All Hallow's Eve this week, I thought there'd be no better time to sit down and think about my favourite monster.
I'm not a Halloween Scrooge, far from it! I like nothing better than dressing up like a tw*t and taking my kids knocking on random people's doors asking for free stuff in a terribly unBritish like fashion.
It is not an issue of women who go out wearing negligées, it is an issue of misogyny and men who have no idea how to treat women... If you want to dress up as a sexy nurse, or a sexy doughnut, or a sexy caterpillar, or just a regular unsexy caterpillar, I don't see a problem. Go forth and enjoy your night.
Halloween allows us to confront our long sheltered fears about death and darkness without putting ourselves in actual danger, enabling us to make fun of our most primal anxieties.
Though I'm running the risk of sounding like a person a lot older and more disillusioned with the state of this new-fangled world than myself, I will say it, HALLOWEEN IS NOT AS SCARY AS IT WAS BACK IN THE DAY! And by 'back in the day', I mean the day of the S Club 7 and constant Kenan and Kel re-runs...so around 10 years ago. You know what I mean though.
I want to recount to you the creepy thing that happened to me last year. Some of you will remember it from the time. Others of you will be new to this. Either way, since that time a lot of information has come to light. I hope it will be of interest to you...
The question I should have asked my daughter was "What fancy dress would you like to wear?". What I actually asked was "Would you like to wear your Darth Vader costume?". Halloween week at pre-school was an opportunity to enlighten her peers that I couldn't let slip by.
Europe has an unhappy history in the way it has dealt with the made up 'crime' of witchcraft over the centuries. Professor Owen Davis of the University of Hertfordshire estimates that between 30,000 and 50,000 people, mainly women, were executed after being found guilty in witchcraft trials between 1450 and 1780.
They are the sort of statistics that leave you shaking your head in disbelief. The average UK family throws away the equivalent of 24 meals a month wasting £720 a year in the process. Overall Britons are chucking away 7 million tonnes of food and drink every year. This seems illogical when households are being heavily squeezed financially and need to look after every penny.
As parents of young children, we find British Halloween a harrowing experience. We miss the way the evening is celebrated back home across the pond. Halloween in America is tacky and commercialised but at least it's generally frowned upon to dress youngsters in gory, menacing costumes.
It was the Bram Stoker Festival in Dublin this weekend, and the old boy's home town really vamped it up in his honour, from up on the big screen to down on the streets.
Halloween is a time for being scared, shocked and frightened. It's a time for ghosts, gore, horror films, skeletons and jack-o-laterns. There are some people who don't like Halloween and trick or treating and these people shut the curtains, turn the lights off and ignore the door.
It's Halloween again. Whether it's fancy dress parties or trick-or-treating at neighbourhood front doors, it's a bit like the simple escapism of the nostalgic world of 1970s children's TV character, Mr Benn: step into the fitting room, try on a costume, and walk away, through the curtains on the other side, into a whole new world where adventures happen.