One Manchester United tweeter likened the club's pursuit of Cesc Fàbregas to that of a man courting Kate Middleton. United, under David Moyes, couldn't attract a cold, chirped another. And today comes news the Barclays Premier League champions are about to submit a third bid for Fàbregas.
Manchester Evening News contributor Andy Mitten, editor of Reds fanzine United We Stand and who has lived in Barcelona for over a decade, has submitted a report rather than a feature detailing the club's imminent offer, as Moyes and executive vice president Ed Woodward refuse to give up on Fàbregas.
A reliable writer, Mitten has interviewed the majority of the Barcelona first-team squad and has built a decent rapport with the likes of Xavi, so the veracity is sound.
Let's talk about Cesc - again
What must be questioned is whether United are wasting their time. They have had bids of £26 million and £30m rejected and the squad is in dire need of fresh faces with just over a month to go until the transfer window shuts.
Moyes has already failed with a bid for Everton left-back Leighton Baines while Marouane Fellaini's buy-out clause has apparently expired. Yohan Cabaye, whose excellent debut season at Newcastle was followed by the contagious second season syndrome, is an underwhelming back-up option.
Should United's latest offer be accepted then it will trump the £30.75m record transfer fee the club paid Tottenham for Dimitar Berbatov in 2008.
File this one under wishful thinking: Joey Barton would take a 50% wage cut in order to play for boyhood club Everton, say the Mirror.
We have no idea if Barton is still on Twitter, because we haven't seen him retweeted or bothered to check (he might have been blocked), which has made for a very pleasant couple of months. The pretentious scallywag is still marooned at QPR after Marseille opted against signing him on a permanent basis.
C'est la vie, Joey
The Metro say Chelsea could offer Real Madrid £20m for Sami Khedira, at risk of becoming a peripheral squad player at the Santiago Bernabéu.
José Mourinho brought Khedira to Madrid for around £10m in 2010 and was stubbornly loyal to the German even after Luka Modrić arrived last summer.
Luis Suárez has dropped his pursuit of arbitration as a means of leaving Liverpool for less, so Arsenal are going to have to stump up at least £50m to sign him, write the Mirror.
That now makes the Gunners' £40,000,001 bid look rather ridiculous.
James McCarthy could be turning out for Wigan at Wembley again next weekend in the Community Shield, an unthinkable prospect after his general form and FA Cup final performance last season.
Soon to be reunited?
However former boss Roberto Martínez could offer him a route out of the DW Stadium, with Everton set to bid £15m for the midfielder, according to the Star.
Another team in need of fresh blood is Newcastle, who have rekindled their interest in Loïc Rémy even though the Frenchman rejected them in favour of QPR in January, write Chronicle Live.
And Valencia are interested in Chelsea misfit Fernando Torres should Roberto Soldado leave for Tottenham, say the Times.