Black Friday is almost here, sparking within us the sort of visceral desire to compete with fellow shoppers that can't be explained nor justified.
Millions will spend close to a billion pounds on ever-so-slightly discounted televisions and tat from online megastores.
But for those venturing to physical outlets this week there's a wave of hell waiting to be unleashed. So we've imagined a world where Black Friday really isn't all that bad...
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These are 8 scenes we'd all love to see on Black Friday
Warning: these scenes are quite literally incredible.
8 Scenes We'd Like To See This Black Friday
An Orderly Queue(01 of08)
We Brits are supposed to be good at forming an orderly queue - so what goes wrong on Black Friday? (credit:Shutterstock)
No Queues At All(02 of08)
The only thing better than an orderly queue is no queue at all.
What a scene this would be on Black Friday. (credit:49015875@N00/Flickr)
What a scene this would be on Black Friday. (credit:49015875@N00/Flickr)
Plenty Of Supply(03 of08)
Boxes upon boxes, rows upon rows: these are scenes we'd like to see on Black Friday.
Instead, things are rather more scarce - especially at 6pm when most of us get the shops after work. (credit:osde-info/Flickr)
Instead, things are rather more scarce - especially at 6pm when most of us get the shops after work. (credit:osde-info/Flickr)
Empty Stores(04 of08)
Black Friday would be absolutely perfect - if only nobody else turned up to stores on the day.
With free reign to roam around, you'd spot the genuine bargains and avoid all those pesky altercations with your fellow shoppers.
It would be amazing. (credit:Shutterstock)
With free reign to roam around, you'd spot the genuine bargains and avoid all those pesky altercations with your fellow shoppers.
It would be amazing. (credit:Shutterstock)
Tidy Clothes Rails(05 of08)
For clothes shoppers, Black Friday resembles a jumble sale.
This is a scene we'd love to see. (credit:Shutterstock)
This is a scene we'd love to see. (credit:Shutterstock)
Pilates In The Aisles(06 of08)
Wouldn't it be grand to crack on with pilates as a means to combat Black Friday-induced stress?
Just like these *incredible* scenes. (credit:PamLovesPie/Flickr)
Just like these *incredible* scenes. (credit:PamLovesPie/Flickr)
Empty Parking Spaces(07 of08)
Of course, no trip to the shops is complete without endless circles of a car park keeping your eyes peeled for an opportunity to park, no matter how tight that opportunity may be.
For Black Friday, multiply this predicament by a thousand. (credit:Shutterstock)
For Black Friday, multiply this predicament by a thousand. (credit:Shutterstock)
Help To The Car(08 of08)
Can you imagine the moment you scrap, squeeze and downright struggle your way to a new 48' television only to be helped to the car by a strong young shop assistant?
That's something we'd like to see on Black Friday. (credit:Shuttstock)
That's something we'd like to see on Black Friday. (credit:Shuttstock)
And here's last year's reality...
Black Friday Sales
(01 of33)
Customers fall to the floor as they grapple for an LED television during a Black Friday discount sale at an Asda supermarket, operated by Wal-Mart Stores Inc., in the Wembley district of London, U.K., on Friday, Nov. 28, 2014. Black Friday has caught on in the U.K. and worldwide over the last few years as the rise of the Internet has made the event a global phenomenon, with customers always being just one click away from the deals offered by U.S. retailers online. Photographer: Simon Dawson/Bloomberg via Getty Images (credit:Bloomberg via Getty Images)
(02 of33)
Employees try to control customers as they attempt to get the last remaining LED televisions during a Black Friday discount sale at an Asda supermarket, operated by Wal-Mart Stores Inc., in the Wembley district of London, U.K., on Friday, Nov. 28, 2014. Black Friday has caught on in the U.K. and worldwide over the last few years as the rise of the Internet has made the event a global phenomenon, with customers always being just one click away from the deals offered by U.S. retailers online. Photographer: Simon Dawson/Bloomberg via Getty Images (credit:Bloomberg via Getty Images)
(03 of33)
Customers queue at a checkout counter to pay for the goods, including an LED television and a toaster, during a Black Friday discount sale at an Asda supermarket, operated by Wal-Mart Stores Inc., in the Wembley district of London, U.K., on Friday, Nov. 28, 2014. Black Friday has caught on in the U.K. and worldwide over the last few years as the rise of the Internet has made the event a global phenomenon, with customers always being just one click away from the deals offered by U.S. retailers online. Photographer: Simon Dawson/Bloomberg via Getty Images (credit:Bloomberg via Getty Images)
(04 of33)
A customer lifts an LED television above his head after removing it from a display area during a Black Friday discount sale at an Asda supermarket, operated by Wal-Mart Stores Inc., in the Wembley district of London, U.K., on Friday, Nov. 28, 2014. Black Friday has caught on in the U.K. and worldwide over the last few years as the rise of the Internet has made the event a global phenomenon, with customers always being just one click away from the deals offered by U.S. retailers online. Photographer: Simon Dawson/Bloomberg via Getty Images (credit:Bloomberg via Getty Images)
(05 of33)
Employees try to control customers as they attempt to get the last remaining LED televisions during a Black Friday discount sale at an Asda supermarket, operated by Wal-Mart Stores Inc., in the Wembley district of London, U.K., on Friday, Nov. 28, 2014. Black Friday has caught on in the U.K. and worldwide over the last few years as the rise of the Internet has made the event a global phenomenon, with customers always being just one click away from the deals offered by U.S. retailers online. Photographer: Simon Dawson/Bloomberg via Getty Images (credit:Bloomberg via Getty Images)
(06 of33)
A customer prepares to load a boxed LED television set into her car after purchasing it during a Black Friday discount sale at an Asda supermarket, operated by Wal-Mart Stores Inc., in the Wembley district of London, U.K., on Friday, Nov. 28, 2014. Black Friday has caught on in the U.K. and worldwide over the last few years as the rise of the Internet has made the event a global phenomenon, with customers always being just one click away from the deals offered by U.S. retailers online. Photographer: Simon Dawson/Bloomberg via Getty Images (credit:Bloomberg via Getty Images)
(07 of33)
Customers queue to purchase goods including LED televisions during a Black Friday discount sale at an Asda supermarket, operated by Wal-Mart Stores Inc., in the Wembley district of London, U.K., on Friday, Nov. 28, 2014. Black Friday has caught on in the U.K. and worldwide over the last few years as the rise of the Internet has made the event a global phenomenon, with customers always being just one click away from the deals offered by U.S. retailers online. Photographer: Simon Dawson/Bloomberg via Getty Images (credit:Bloomberg via Getty Images)
(08 of33)
A customer gestures as he queues to purchase goods including an LED televisions during a Black Friday discount sale at an Asda supermarket, operated by Wal-Mart Stores Inc., in the Wembley district of London, U.K., on Friday, Nov. 28, 2014. Black Friday has caught on in the U.K. and worldwide over the last few years as the rise of the Internet has made the event a global phenomenon, with customers always being just one click away from the deals offered by U.S. retailers online. Photographer: Simon Dawson/Bloomberg via Getty Images (credit:Bloomberg via Getty Images)
(09 of33)
Dated: 28/11/2014BLACK FRIDAY SALES MADNESS AT MIDNIGHTBlack Friday fever hits the stores at midnight where frantic shoppers tear apart crates of TV's and empty the shelves of electrical goods including printers, irons and coffee machines within minutes at the Tesco store in Kingston Park, Newcastle Upon Tyne this morning. (credit:North News)
(10 of33)
Dated: 28/11/2014BLACK FRIDAY SALES MADNESS AT MIDNIGHTBlack Friday fever hits the stores at midnight where frantic shoppers tear apart crates of TV's and empty the shelves of electrical goods including printers, irons and coffee machines within minutes at the Tesco store in Kingston Park, Newcastle Upon Tyne this morning. (credit:North News)
(11 of33)
Shoppers take advantage of the special deals offered during Black Friday at the Asda Superstore in Colindale (credit:WENN)
(12 of33)
Shoppers take advantage of the special deals offered during Black Friday at the Asda Superstore in Colindale (credit:WENN)
(13 of33)
Shoppers take advantage of the special deals offered during Black Friday at the Asda Superstore in Colindale (credit:WENN)
(14 of33)
The first shoppers at Tesco Grimsby (credit:WENN)
(15 of33)
The first shoppers at Tesco Grimsby (credit:WENN)
(16 of33)
The first shoppers at Tesco Grimsby (credit:WENN)
(17 of33)
The first shoppers at Tesco Grimsby (credit:WENN)
(18 of33)
The first shoppers at Tesco Grimsby (credit:WENN)
(19 of33)
Customers fighting over discounted large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain (credit:Ray Tang/Rex)
(20 of33)
Customers fighting over discounted large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain (credit:Ray Tang/Rex)
(21 of33)
Customers fighting over discounted large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain (credit:Ray Tang/Rex)
(22 of33)
Customers fighting over discounted large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain (credit:Ray Tang/Rex)
(23 of33)
Customers fighting over discounted large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain (credit:Ray Tang/Rex)
(24 of33)
Customers fighting over discounted large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain (credit:Ray Tang/Rex)
(25 of33)
Customers fighting over discounted large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain (credit:Ray Tang/Rex)
(26 of33)
Customers fighting over discounted large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain (credit:Ray Tang/Rex)
(27 of33)
Customers fighting over discounted large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain (credit:Ray Tang/Rex)
(28 of33)
Customers fighting over discounted large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain (credit:Ray Tang/Rex)
(29 of33)
Customers fighting over discounted large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain (credit:Ray Tang/Rex)
(30 of33)
Customers fighting over discounted large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain (credit:Ray Tang/Rex)
(31 of33)
Customers fighting over discounted large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain (credit:Ray Tang/Rex)
Black Friday(32 of33)
Shoppers queue outside a branch of Foot Locker on Oxford Street, London, as many retailers offer one day sales for 'Black Friday'. (credit:Dominic Lipinski/PA Wire)
Black Friday(33 of33)
Shoppers queue outside a branch of Foot Locker on Oxford Street, London, as many retailers offer one day sales for 'Black Friday'. (credit:Dominic Lipinski/PA Wire)