Even As I Became Less Religious, I Held Onto My Spirituality

It is only now I realise that they refused to question the dogma because it gave them a sense of belonging; a sense of calm in all the calamity.
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In order to maintain a level of sanity in society, one needs to adopt a certain level of stoicism – particularly in matters concerning religion.

You see, I was brought up in a fiercely religious family that also practiced ancestral rituals. I regarded that as the norm. I knew no better.

Like most kids my age, I knew of God and I knew of Satan; I knew of a heaven and I also knew of a hell. I knew of the Virgin Mary who gave birth to Baby Jesus and I knew that baby Jesus grew up to perform many miracles which in turn made people angry with Him and conspire to kill him.

I knew that He died on the cross for my sins. I knew of the exact dates of most commercial Christian holidays.

This is what I was taught and it is how I continued to live until I realised, "Hey, wait a minute. My brain can actually think for itself!"

I began to question every religious concept I was ever fed. I questioned the existence of God and whether he had a form (oddly enough, I still acknowledged that the devil was among us –wearing a different face like a piece of clothing depending on which day of the week it was). I questioned the accuracy of the Holy Book and why it seemed to always contradict itself.

I questioned the need for so many religions and why one regarded itself more superior to the other. I questioned why Jesus was always portrayed as a Caucasian and why there was never any mention of the black man in the scriptures.

Eventually, all the questioning turned into a big ball of confusion and my life and everything I had ever based my beliefs on spiralled out of control.

It didn't help that the people responsible for feeding me this organized doctrine responded to my questions with exasperation and a partially blank, partially stunned expression on their face. The common response to my question became "You're a heathen" and I naturally retorted with rebellion: 'Well then, better a heathen than an ignoramus who follows what he himself does not understand."

I swear it seemed like a lot of them dared not question their beliefs for fear of being struck with a violent lightning from heaven. It is only now I realise that they refused to question the dogma because it gave them a sense of belonging; a sense of calm in all the calamity. I can't hold it against them, but it made me reject religion as nothing more than hogwash used to brainwash us human beings into submission.

I stopped referring to myself as a Christian and figured I'd just be spiritual instead.

Ahead of Easter 2017, The Huffington Post South Africa is delving into what faith and spirituality means to South Africans here and now. Against the backdrop of a renewed wave of thought around decolonisation, a new generation are rediscovering their traditional beliefs, while some are reconciling with Christianity. And on another note, we tell South Africa's real good news story: our remarkable and peaceful religious diversity. In a world fractured along religious extremism, we have a large Christian population with significant Muslim and Jewish communities, who often come together peacefully and with purpose, as has been evinced at the memorials for departed struggle stalwart, Ahmed Kathrada. Read the rest of the special report here, or choose from our selection below:

27 Quotes By Desmond Tutu On Faith, Justice And Love
(01 of27)
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"God has such a deep reverence for our freedom that he'd rather let us freely go to Hell than be compelled to go to Heaven."

Archbishop Desmond Tutu ponders a point during an interview at his office in Cape Town, South Africa, April 25, 2006.

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(02 of27)
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"I don't preach a social gospel; I preach the Gospel, period. The gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ is concerned for the whole person. When people were hungry, Jesus didn't say, "Now is that political or social?" He said, "I feed you." Because the good news to a hungry person is bread."

The former Anglican archbishop of Cape Town Desmond Tutu waits to receive the 2013 Templeton Prize at the Guildhall in central London on May 21, 2013.

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(03 of27)
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"Forgiveness is an absolute necessity for continued human existence."

Chairman of the TRC Archbishop Desmond Tutu wipes his face during a special public hearing of South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission in Johannesburg November 24. Winnie Mandela was accused of the murder of Stompie Seipei, a 14 year-old activist who died in 1989.

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(04 of27)
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"Some of my friends are skeptical when they hear me say this, but I am by nature a person who dislikes confrontation. I have consciously sought during my lifetime to emulate my mother, whom our family knew as a gentle “comforter of the afflicted.” However, when I see innocent people suffering, pushed around by the rich and the powerful, then, as the prophet Jeremiah, says, if I try to keep quiet is is as if the word of God burned like a fire in my breast. I feel compelled to speak out, sometimes to even argue with God over how a loving creator can allow this to happen."

Archbishop Desmond Tutu speaks to Winnie Madikizela-Mandela during a special public hearing of South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission in Johannesburg November 25. Winnie Mandela was accused of the murder of Stompie Seipei, a 14 year old activist who died in 1989.

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(05 of27)
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"I've never doubted that apartheid - because it was of itself fundamentally, intrinsically evil - was going to bite the dust eventually."

Chairman of the TRC (Truth and Reconciliation Commission) Archbishop Desmond Tutu (R) hands over the TRC report to South Africa's President Nelson Mandela at the State theater Building in Pretoria October 29. South Africa's Truth Commission has found that the ruling African National Congress (ANC) is politically and morally accountable for gross human rights violations committed during its 30-year struggle against apartheid.

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(06 of27)
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"You and I are created for transcendence, laughter, caring. God deliberately did not make the world perfect, for God is looking for you and me to be fellow workers with God."

Archbishop Desmond Tutu and former President Nelson Mandela respond to questions at a meeting to commemorate World Aids Day in KTC township near Cape Town, December 1, 2001. Tutu told the gathering of youths that the best way to tackle the disease was to abstain from sex, but if that were not possible to practise safe sex. REUTERS/Mike Hutchings MH

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(07 of27)
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"It is for real that injustice and oppression will not have the last word. There was a time when Hitler looked like he was going to vanquish all of Europe, and where is he now?"

Archbishop Desmond Tutu shares a laugh with Zulu Chief Mangosuthu Buthelezi (L) and Zuil King Goodwill Zwelithini (R) at the Inaugural ceremony of the South African President May 10

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(08 of27)
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"You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them."

The former Anglican archbishop of Cape Town Desmond Tutu dances with his grandson Khalil Morrison, 6, grand daughter Onalina Burris, 7, and daughter Reverend Mpho Tutu (R) after he received the 2013 Templeton Prize at the Guildhall in central London on May 21, 2013. South African anti-apartheid campaigner Desmond Tutu won the 2013 Templeton Prize worth $1.7 million for helping inspire people around the world by promoting forgiveness and justice, organisers said. REUTERS/Paul Hackett (BRITAIN - Tags: RELIGION POLITICS)

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(09 of27)
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"Sometimes you want to whisper in God's ear, "God, we know you are in charge, but why don't you make it slightly more obvious?"

U.S. President Barack Obama (L) listens to Desmond Tutu as he visits his HIV Foundation Youth Centre and takes part in a health event with youth in Cape Town, June 30, 2013.

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(10 of27)
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"Injustice and oppression will never prevail. Those who are powerful have to remember the litmus test that God gives to the powerful: what is your treatment of the poor, the hungry, the voiceless? And on the basis of that, God passes judgment."

U.S. President Barack Obama (L) hugs Archbishop Desmond Tutu as he visits his HIV Foundation Youth Centre and takes part in a health event with youth in Cape Town, June 30, 2013.

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(11 of27)
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"What has happened to us? It seems as if we have perverted our freedom, our rights into license, into being irresponsible. Perhaps we did not realise just how apartheid has damaged us so that we seem to have lost our sense of right and wrong."

Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his wife Leah share a moment shortly before renewing their vows as they celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary in Cape Town, South Africa, July 2, 2015. REUTERS/Mark Wessels

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(12 of27)
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"Resentment and anger are bad for your blood pressure and your digestion."

Archbishop Desmond Tutu addresses media during his meeting with Britain's Prince Harry in Cape Town, South Africa November 30, 2015. Prince Harry is in South Africa on behalf of Sentebale, the charity he founded with Lesotho's Prince Seeiso in memory of their mothers. REUTERS/Schalk van Zuydam/Pool

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(13 of27)
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"We used to say to the apartheid government: you may have the guns, you may have all this power, but you have already lost. Come: join the winning side."

Britain's Prince Harry talks to Archbishop Desmond Tutu during their meeting in Cape Town, South Africa November 30, 2015. Prince Harry is in South Africa on behalf of Sentebale, the charity he founded with Lesotho's Prince Seeiso in memory of their mothers. REUTERS/Schalk van Zuydam/Pool

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(14 of27)
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"He has a childlike, boyish, impish, mischievousness. And I have to try and make him behave properly, like a holy man!"

Exiled Tibetan spiritual leader The Dalai Lama (L) shares a laugh with Archbishop Desmond Tutu as they both take part in a dialogue on youth and spiritual connection as part of a five-day event to teach compassion to children in Seattle, Washington, April 15, 2008.

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(15 of27)
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"I give great thanks to God that he has created a Dalai Lama. Do you really think, as some have argued, that God will be saying: "You know, that guy, the Dalai Lama, is not bad. What a pity he's not a Christian"? I don't think that is the case — because, you see, God is not a Christian."

Exiled Tibetan spiritual leader The Dalai Lama (L) listens to Archbishop Desmond Tutu speaks as they both take part in a dialogue on youth and spiritual connection as part of a five-day event to teach compassion to children in Seattle, Washington, April 15, 2008.

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(16 of27)
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"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality."

Archbishop Desmond Tutu (L) and Bono, the lead singer of the Irish rock band U2, share a light hearted moment during Tutu's 80th birthday celebrations in Cape Town October 7, 2011. South African peace icon Archbishop Tutu celebrated his 80th birthday on Friday in the church where he preached against apartheid, just a few days after saying the former liberation movement now in government was in some ways even worse. R

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(17 of27)
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"Injustice and oppression will never prevail. Those who are powerful have to remember the litmus test that God gives to the powerful: what is your treatment of the poor, the hungry, the voiceless? And on the basis of that, God passes judgment."

Archbishop Desmond Tutu gestures during a news conference in Cape Town after the Dalai Lama cancelled a trip to South Africa October 11 2011. The Dalai Lama, the Tibetan spiritual leader, cancelled a trip to South Africa that had put Pretoria in a bind between its biggest trading partner China and one of its modern heroes, Nobel Peace Prize laureate Desmond Tutu. The Dalai Lama's office said on Tuesday he cancelled the trip intended for him to attend Archbishop Tutu's 80th birthday celebration because South Africa, which has had his application paperwork for weeks, had not issued him a visa on time.

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(18 of27)
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"Without us, God has no eyes, without us, God has no ears; without us, God has no arms or hands. God relies on us. Won't you join other people of faith in becoming God's partners in the world?"

South African Archbishop and Nobel Laureate Desmond Tutu speaks during an interview with Reuters in New Delhi February 8, 2012. Picture taken February 8, 2012.

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(19 of27)
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"Isn’t it noteworthy in the parable of the Good Samaritan that Jesus does not give a straightforward answer to the question "Who is my neighbor?" (Luke 10:29). Surely he could have provided a catalog of those whom the scribe could love as himself as the law required. He does not. Instead, he tells a story. It is as if Jesus wanted among other things to point out that life is a bit more complex; it has too many ambivalences and ambiguities to allow always for a straightforward and simplistic answer."

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and Archbishop Desmond Tutu arrive to deliver remarks to a group of visiting Girl Scouts in honor of the first-ever International Day of the Girl at the State Department in Washington October 10, 2012.

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(20 of27)
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(Continued)

"This is a great mercy, because in times such as our own — times of change when many familiar landmarks have shifted or disappeared — people are bewildered; they hanker after unambiguous, straightforward answers. We appear to be scared of diversity in ethnicities, in religious faiths, in political and ideological points of view. We have an impatience with anything and anyone that suggests there might just be another perspective, another way of looking at the same thing, another answer worth exploring."

Nobel peace prize laureates, Myanmar's pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi (R) and South African social rights activist and retired Anglican bishop Desmond Tutu (L) speak at Suu Kyi's house in Yangon, February 26, 2013.

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(21 of27)
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(Continued)

"There is a nostalgia for the security in the womb of a safe sameness, and so we shut out the stranger and the alien; we look for security in those who can provide answers that must be unassailable because no one is permitted to dissent, to question. There is a longing for the homogeneous and an allergy against the different, the other."

Nobel peace prize laureates, Myanmar's pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi (R) and South African social rights activist and retired Anglican bishop Desmond Tutu (L) embrace at Suu Kyi's house in Yangon, February 26, 2013.

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(22 of27)
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"Now Jesus seems to say to the scribe, 'Hey, life is more exhilarating as you try to work out the implications of your faith rather than living by rote, with ready-made second-hand answers, fitting an unchanging paradigm to a shifting, changing, perplexing, and yet fascinating world.'"

Archbishop Desmond Tutu jokes with Princess Charlene of Monaco during a visit to the Desmond Tutu HIV Foundation youth centre in Masiphelele township near Cape Town July 8, 2011.

(credit:Mike Hutchings / Reuters)
(23 of27)
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"Our faith, our knowledge that God is in charge, must make us ready to take risks, to be venturesome and innovative; yes, to dare to walk where angels might fear to tread."

Archbishop Desmond Tutu greets United States first lady Michelle Obama during a visit to Cape Town stadium, June 23, 2011.

(credit:Mike Hutchings / Reuters)
(24 of27)
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"Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world."

Archbishop Desmond Tutu (L) hugs poet Maya Angelou during a ceremony to honor Tutu with the J. William Fulbright Prize for the International Understanding Award in Washington, November 21, 2008.

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(25 of27)
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"I am a leader by default, only because nature does not allow a vacuum."

South African Nobel Peace Laureates Nelson Mandela (L) and Archbishop Desmond Tutu (2nd L) arrive for the 70th birthday celebrations of fellow laureate former President FW de Klerk (R) in Cape Town, March 17, 2006. De Klerk turns 70 on March 18.

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(26 of27)
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“Good is stronger than evil; love is stronger than hate; light is stronger than darkness; life is stronger than death. Victory is ours, through him who loves us.”

Oprah Winfrey and Archbishop Desmond Tutu laugh during The Sesame Workshop's Second Annual Benefit Gala, in New York, on June 2, 2004.

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(27 of27)
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“I will never tell anyone to pick up a gun. But I will pray for the man who picks up a gun, pray that he will be less cruel than he might otherwise have been….”

Archbishop Desmond Tutu (L), the keynote speaker at Ebenezer Baptist Church at the annual Martin Luther King, Jr. Commemorative Service, chats with Coretta Scott King, wife of slain civil rights leader Martin Luther King, Jr. in Atlanta January 18 during the anniversary of Kings' 70th birthday celebration.

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