Bargain Craigslist Advert For Mattress Formerly Used By 'Lying Cheating Sociopath'

'Get This F**king Mattress Out Of My Life': Best Online Ad Ever
|

The first stage of a breakup usually involves throwing away or at least hiding all those things that remind you of your significant other.

Out go the love notes, the teddies won at funfairs and the humorous Kiss Me Quick hat you bought on that weekend away in Brighton, as you gradually adjust to life in the single lane once more.

But one woman has gone even further - by listing the pricey Simmons Beautyrest mattress she once shared with her fiancé on Craigslist. (They usually retail at around £270.)

Open Image Modal

'Feels like you're sleeping on a fucking cloud'

The seller explains:

"The pain of my broken heart now means less back pain for you!

"...It's three years old, and feels like you're sleeping on a fucking cloud - even when you're unknowingly sleeping next to a lying cheater. In a bad relationship and have to lie next to the constant reminder that you didn't go to grad school so that you could move and get engaged? Then this is the bed for you, it will get you to fucking REM and for 6-8 hours every night you'll forget that you're sleeping next to a sociopath. There are no stains, and this thing hasn't seen action in a while.

"So here's the deal: $150 (£100) and it's yours. No catch. Get this fucking mattress out of my life."

We commend her aggressive selling tactics, after all no one wants to be, in the words of Bridget Jones: "spending their evening bursting into tears at the sight of the toothbrush mug" (or mattress).

She adds: "Not a deal-breaker, but it would help immensely if you looked like my ex as I would love to see an entitled, Ivy-League educated asshole struggle with this thing. But totally not necessary."

Quite simply, we love her style.

H/T to Jezebel for spying this.

5 Exes Who Will Make You Grateful For Yours
Ex-Husband Sale(01 of04)
Open Image Modal
In May 2012, a recently divorced Superior, Wisc. woman held an "X-Husband Sale" on her front lawn where she gave away piles of her ex's belongings for free. She also flattened the tires on his SUV and spray-painted it with the word "cheater" and other invectives (click here for photos). Police had to tow away the vehicle after curious passersby caused traffic to slow to a halt in front of the house. (credit:Jed Carlson/Superior Telegram )
Burn, Baby, Burn!(02 of04)
Open Image Modal
In July 2012, 35-year-old Denver man Scott Kramer was charged with felony arson after he reportedly set his estranged wife's wedding dress, wedding photos and skis ablaze. Prosecutors said he put her belongings in a garbage can and set them on fire near his home. (credit:Shutterstock)
Totally Nuts (03 of04)
Open Image Modal
In June 2011, a divorced Michigan woman reportedly sent a letter coated in peanut butter to her ex-husband, whose current wife was allergic to peanuts. The ex-wife denied accusations that it was a deliberate attempt to make his new wife ill. She insisted, rather, that she did it to prevent the woman from reading the private contents of the letter. (credit:Shutterstock)
All Fired Up (04 of04)
Open Image Modal
In March 2012, 44-year-old Brit Darrell Plews set fire to his estranged wife's clothes, shoes, and designer purses after learning that she married a man she met on a solo trip to Africa months prior. To make matters worse, she was still legally married to Plews when she tied the knot with her new Gambian beau. In a fit of jealous rage, Plews burned her belongings in the garden of the house they once shared together in Wakefield, West Yorkshire. His punishment? A 12-month prison sentence, £5,000 owed to his wife in compensation and a two-year restraining order. (credit:Shutterstock)