Struggling for a witty message to put in your Mother's Day card this year? Why not try some of these words of wisdom.
From Joan Rivers to Julie Walters, Louis C.K. to Les Dawson, they've got the whole mothering thing covered...
Funny quotes about mothers
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."(01 of22)
Groucho Marx
"Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them."(02 of22)
Rita Rudner
"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"(03 of22)
Milton Berle
"Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day."(04 of22)
Jay Leno
"When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."(05 of22)
Erma Bombeck
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."(06 of22)
Calvin Trillin
"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'The man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."(07 of22)
Joan Rivers
"My mother would say, 'The first bill is a suggestion. If they really want you to pay it, then they'll come and tap on your window.' Her whole philosophy of life was: if you die owing money, then you've won." (08 of22)
Chris Rock
"Living with a teenage daughter is like living with the Taliban: a mum is not allowed to laugh, sing, dance or wear short skirts."(09 of22)
Kathy Lette
"My mother never had time for me. When you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention."(10 of22)
Woody Allen
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."(11 of22)
Phyllis Diller
"I’m not saying my mother didn’t like me but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate."(12 of22)
Les Dawson
"I have to keep reminding myself that I am their mother. Sometimes we are sitting at home and I feel like we are waiting for our mom to come home."(13 of22)
Ruby Wax
"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it."(14 of22)
Mark Twain
"I felt my mother about the place. I don't think she haunts me, but I wouldn't put it past her."(15 of22)
Julie Walters
"My mum is about five foot with her hair done. Without it she's about four foot 10."(16 of22)
Ryan Kwanten
"The interesting thing about being a mother is that everyone wants pets, but no one but me cleans the kitty litter."(17 of22)
Meryl Streep
"My mom had me when she was 15, so I know the younger the momma, the more jacked up your name will be."(18 of22)
Finesse Mitchell
"I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot."(19 of22)
Rodney Dangerfield
"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her."(20 of22)
Ellen DeGeneres
"To me, you're not a woman 'til you had a couple of kids and your life is in the toilet. That's really when you become a woman - when people come out of your vagina and step on your dreams."(21 of22)
Louis C.K.
"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."(22 of22)
Oscar Wilde