'Dance Moms' Star Abby Lee Miller Defiant About Tough Love Dance Lessons, And Making Young Girls Cry

Dance Moms Teacher Abby Lee Miller Says, 'Suck It Up, Brat'

The many, many fans of 'Dance Moms' are today reeling from the news that one of Abby Lee Miller's star pupils Chloe Lukasiak will not be returning to now famous dance studio, with Chloe's mother Christi making it clear in a series of tweets where she puts the blame - apparently "'she' crossed the line. #bully."

This follows a high-profile court case in which another of Abby's pupils, Paige Hyland, is suing her former teacher for assault, including claims that that she would "pinch dancers until they bled” and attack pupils for being emotionally weak. Abby has said only, "There are two sides to every story."

Open Image Modal

Abby Lee Miller is bringing her unique teaching methods to Britain, with Jennifer Ellison in 'Dance Mums'

Jennifer Lawrence recently called 'Dance Moms' one of her greatest TV pleasures. Turns out the Oscar winner’s not alone, with nearly two million US cable viewers regularly tuning in to watch the indomitable Abby Lee Miller coax, comfort, cajole and, if all else fails, stare her young pupils into performing to the best of their abilities, often disagreeing violently with the young tots' mothers about the best way to handle them. And now British viewers will get the benefit, with Abby joining Jennifer Ellison for our own home-grown version, 'Dance Mums'.

When HuffPostUK sat down with the tireless TV phenomenon on her recent visit to the UK, she was unapologetic about the tough love she gives her pupils, believing them to be crucial life lessons. She also pointed out the show was edited to heighten the sense of conflict.

“What you don’t see on the show is the laughter,” she says. “The kids and I are united, and we’re laughing all the time at the producers. You don’t see the fun.

“I have spent the greater part of my life in a hotel room with seven or eight kids, looking after everyone, sorting out fights, wiping noses, handing out towels, not having a clean towel left for me. The only difference… now I have my own room and my own towel."

Of her perceived meanness as seen on the hit show, she refers to her previous students who’ve gone on to be professional dancers.

“Those kids on Broadway, ask them,” she tells me. “They’ll say, ‘Why didn’t you do a TV show 20/30 years ago when you were really mean?’

“This is me softened up, because now these kids have cell phones and they can text their parents and tell them what I said. Before, I was really mean at 4.30pm, 5.30pm, but at 8.30pm, I’d say something nice so that was the last thing they remembered when they got in the car and went home.”

One of the aspects of the show that has millions watching, often through their fingers or in guilty delight, is the sight of a miniature princess brought down a peg or three, and bursting into tears, as little girls are wont to do. It turns Abby isn’t faking her tyranny for the cameras. She genuinely has no patience for this.

“Cry if you have a compound fracture, by all means,” she tells me. “Or if your grandpa died. But otherwise, save it for your pillow. If your mom cries a lot, you probably cry a lot. It’s what you learn.

“But, in an audition setting, if the girl next to you won and they’re putting a crown on her head, it just makes you look like a poor loser, a brat, and that I don’t put up with. Suck it up, smile, because maybe three of those five judges had you as the winner. They’re going to see you again in two weeks at another competition. And nobody wants to see a brat. So suck it up.”

After teaching dance for more than three decades, Abby’s life changed dramatically when she and her dancer friend realised what was missing from the fellow TV phenomenon, ‘So You Think You Can Dance’. She explains, “No dance teachers get mentioned on the show. How did these kids get to this point, where are the moms and dads, where’s the teacher? These kids spend more time at the dance studio than they do with their families. They’re missing all of that.

“And my friend John came with me on tour. He can remember the moms – drunk, broke and lying by the pool. But the kids were in the studio, and he told me, ‘they’re like little cupcakes, and he said ‘these kids have to be on television.’ So we got planning.”

Open Image Modal

Abby Lee Miller doesn't believe in crying, unless "you've got a compound fracture, then, by all means"

It’s clear that Abby’s influence, and her opinions, transcend any technical lessons she might impart on the dance floor.

She remembers a young Britney Spears turning up one time, the pupil of a friend of hers, and muses on Britney’s rollercoaster existence since.

“Britney Spears was an incredible dancer. That kid was amazing. Her mum and dad slept in the car outside the studio because they didn’t have gas money to go back and forth.

“I believe that, had they let her stay married to the very first guy that was from high school that she married in Vegas that night, things would have been fine. She should have stayed married to him, because he was from her home town, he had values, he didn’t have money, he wasn’t successful, she would have been fine.

“It’s the men. It’s the hot guys that mess her up.”

It is clear, on talking with her, that Abby’s heart is far fuller for the pupils left in her care, than it is for the mothers, something she acknowledges readily.

“I think their world crumbles when their mums open their mouths. Doesn’t everyone blame the mother? Isn’t that how it works?

“If the parents really trust me, and say make them the best they can be, it works.. If you let me do my job, do it. If not, go somewhere else.”

Abby, who is unmarried and without children of her own, allows herself just one evening off a week – “the local movie theatre for an hour and a half where I can escape into someone else’s story” – and obviously demands just as much of herself as the children in her care. She’s now due to host a spin-off show called ‘Abby’s Studio Rescue’, her book is in its fourth edition, and she’s determined to get her own show on stage.

“I wanted the red carpet for my kids, the Emmys, the Oscars. One of my pupils told a reporter, and she said it best, ‘Everything she wanted for all of us, has happened to her.’”

'Dance Mums' With Jennifer Ellison starts tonight at 9pm on Lifetime.

17 Times When Crying Is The Best Thing You Can Do
(01 of17)
Open Image Modal
When -- after months of training and coping with shin splints, blisters and bruises -- you finally cross the finish line. It doesn't matter whether you've placed or if you stumbled across an hour after everyone else went home. Tears = massive sense of accomplishment and relief that you're somehow still alive. (credit:Thinkstock)
(02 of17)
Open Image Modal
When you wake up with a creaky, piercing sore throat and your head's throbbing and a sick day is absolutely not an option. (credit:Thinkstock)
(03 of17)
Open Image Modal
When you've run out of ways to console your crying friend, there will be tears -- yours. Fortunately, it's a universal law that within minutes, a "What the heck are we doing?" moment will be triggered -- like when you both realize your wobbly, speaking-through-tears voices sound like a cross between Gollum and Honey Boo Boo -- that will cause you both to dissolve into shaky laughter. (credit:Thinkstock)
(04 of17)
Open Image Modal
When you're utterly lost on the side of the road, your GPS has no signal, and there's no sign of civilization for miles. (credit:Thinkstock)
(05 of17)
Open Image Modal
When you realize that the one thing you felt absolutely certain about isn't certain at all. And you don't know what that means -- for you or your future. (credit:Thinkstock)
(06 of17)
Open Image Modal
When you're watching "Les Miserables," "Brief Encounter" or "Steel Magnolias," no matter how many times you've seen them. There is no other appropriate response. (credit:Thinkstock)
(07 of17)
Open Image Modal
Ditto for any movies involving animals, like "My Dog Skip" or "Old Yeller." (credit:Thinkstock)
(08 of17)
Open Image Modal
When you get the diagnosis you never wanted to hear. Every scenario -- especially the darkest, most painful ones you always pushed out of your mind before -- starts playing in a rapid loop for the next few hours. When University of Tennessee coach Pat Summitt learned she had Alzheimer's, she took the advice she's given her athletes for decades so she wouldn't tumble down a bottomless pit of what-ifs: "No one feels strong when she examines her own weakness. But in facing weakness, you learn how much there is in you, and you find real strength." (credit:Thinkstock)
(09 of17)
Open Image Modal
When you're standing at the airport baggage carousel after getting off an endlessly delayed plane and nobody seems to know what happened to your luggage. Further, while waiting at the conveyor belt, you notice everyone around you has their bags… and people greeting them with hugs. Also flowers. And chocolate? In that moment, it dawns on your jet-lagged, single self: Valentine's Day. (credit:Thinkstock)
(10 of17)
Open Image Modal
When you’re so angry you’re shaking, and all you want to do is scream someone into oblivion. Sometimes the only alternative that remains is a locked supply closet and five minutes of fury sobs. (credit:Thinkstock)
(11 of17)
Open Image Modal
When you're saying goodbye to your parents, grandparent or that far-flung best friend you won't see for months and you realize you're going to miss the way they steal food off your plate or nudge you to laugh at their truly awful puns -- even if these habits annoyed you all weekend long. (credit:Thinkstock)
(12 of17)
Open Image Modal
When you're scrolling your Facebook newsfeed and you're jolted with an update you never expected: Your seventh-grade best friend has died. The one you choreographed dances to Mariah Carey music videos with. The one you meant to take out to lunch on her birthday, but you settled for a "Happy 33rd!" on her wall. The one who died two days ago, and yet nobody's told you. (credit:Thinkstock)
(13 of17)
Open Image Modal
When your boss emails you to "change directions" on the project that's caused you to cancel every plan you've had for weeks, and you're feeling ready to pick up your monitor and beat your printer with it. In the words of Tina Fey in Bossypants, "Some people say, 'Never let them see you cry.' I say, 'If you're so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.'" (credit:Thinkstock )
(14 of17)
Open Image Modal
When you receive a wedding invitation -- or, even worse, a baby announcement -- from The One Who Got Away. (credit:Thinkstock)
(15 of17)
Open Image Modal
When you take your dog to the vet for a routine checkup and learn that he's got cancer. It will cost thousands to prolong his life, possibly just for a few months -- and even so, he may be in pain -- and you're faced with the decision of what to do next. (credit:Thinkstock)
(16 of17)
Open Image Modal
When your new phone slips out of your hands and shatters its screen, and all you can think of is how you refused to pay $5 a month for insurance just two days ago. (credit:Thinkstock)
(17 of17)
Open Image Modal
When a friend has something extraordinarily wonderful happen to her that restores your faith in the universe -- especially if that faith had been rattled by any of the aforementioned reasons to cry. Happy tears trump all. (credit:Thinkstock)