Carol Vorderman Reveals She Felt ‘Suicidal’ Following The Death Of Her Mother And Onset Of The Menopause

'I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted this blackness to stop.'

Carol Vorderman says the death of her mum last year and the onset of the menopause led to her having suicidal thoughts.

The former ‘Countdown’ star and ‘Loose Women’ presenter says she “didn’t want to wake up” as she coped with the death of her mum, Jean, from cancer last June.

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Carol Vorderman
Mark Cuthbert via Getty Images

The TV star, who has two children, Katie, 26, and Cameron, 21, states that she wouldn’t have done anything because she’s a single mum.

“I wouldn’t have done anything because I have kids and I am a single parent, but I definitely had a lot of thoughts that were in that bracket,” she told Mail on Sunday’s Event magazine.

“I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted this blackness to stop and I couldn’t think of any way of making it stop other than just stopping.”

The 57-year-old eventually sought help from a menopausal expert who prescribed her daily bioidentical hormones to boost her oestrogen levels.

“They are clear gels,” she explains. “I have two squeezes of the oestrogen gel on one leg and then a squeeze of the testosterone one on my other leg every morning. It dries within ten seconds and that’s it.”

She adds that since taking the treatment she’s been “right as rain ever since”.

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Carol with her mum, Jean.
Andy Butterton - PA Images via Getty Images

Speaking about her mum’s death, Carol reveals she decided not to go through chemotherapy as she’d already fought cancer three times.

“She had tests on the Sunday and on the Monday she was told she had terminal cancer,” Carol explains.

“They said, ‘It’s everywhere. What do you want to do?’

“Bearing in mind she was almost 89, Mum said, ‘I don’t want to go through that, just keep me out of pain.’”

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Doug Peters/EMPICS Entertainment

Carol had lived with her mother in Bristol and had always spoken about their close relationship during her presenting career, particularly when she served as an anchor on the ‘Loose Women’ panel.

In fact, it was Jean who first sent off her application to star in ‘Countdown’ back in the early 1980s, after seeing an advert in the newspaper calling for a woman with good mathematical skills for the job.

Carol Vorderman
Cirque Du Soleil Kooza: London European Premiere Outside Arrival(01 of26)
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Carol Vorderman arrives for the European Premiere of the latest Cirque Du Soleil show Kooza, at the Royal Albert Hall in central London, Tuesday, Jan. 8, 2013. (Photo by Joel Ryan/Invision/AP) (credit:Joel Ryan/Invision/AP)
London Gala Screening of Summer In February(02 of26)
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Carol Vorderman at the London Gala Screening of Summer In February on Monday, June 10th, 2013 at Curzon Mayfair, London, United Kingdom. (Photo by Richard Chambury/Invision/AP) (credit:Richard Chambury/Invision/AP)
Britain I Can't Sing Press Night(03 of26)
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British personality Carol Vorderman poses for photographers at the I Can't Sing Press Night, Wednesday, March 26, 2014 in London. I Canât Sing! The X Factor Musical is a new musical comedy written by Harry Hill and produced by Simon Cowell. (Photo by John Phillips/Invision/AP Images) (credit:John Phillips/Invision/AP)
Carol Vorderman ISME Photocall - London(04 of26)
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Carol Vorderman modelling the AW13 Fashion Collection for isme.com in Soho, London. (credit:PA)
British Inspiration Awards - London(05 of26)
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Carol Vorderman arrives at the British Inspiration Awards at the Intercontinental Hotel in London. (credit:PA)
Carol Vorderman Switches On Christmas Lights - London(06 of26)
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Carol Vorderman switches on the Mount Street Christmas Lights in Mayfair, London. (credit:PA)
The Pride of Britain Awards 2012 - London(07 of26)
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Carol Vorderman at the 2012 Pride of Britain awards at Grosvenor House, London. (credit:PA)
Pride of Britain Awards - London(08 of26)
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Carol Vorderman arriving for the Pride of Britain awards at the Grosvenor House Hotel, London. (credit:PA)
Galaxy National Book Awards - London(09 of26)
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Carol Vorderman arrives at the Galaxy National Book Awards, at the BBC TV Centre in west London. (credit:PA)
National Television Awards 2012 - Arrivals - London(10 of26)
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Carol Vorderman arriving for the 2012 NTA Awards at the O2, Greenwich, London (credit:PA)
Rear of The Year 2011 - London(11 of26)
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TV presenter Carol Vorderman, this years winner of the Wizard jeans Rear of the Year award poses for pictures at The Dorchester Hotel, London. (credit:PA)
SHE Inspiring Women Awards - London(12 of26)
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Carol Vorderman arriving for the SHE Inspiring Woman Awards, at Claridges in central London. (credit:PA)
The 2006 Television BAFTA Awards, Grosvenor House Hotel - London(13 of26)
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Carol Vorderman arriving. (credit:PA)
Cirque Du Soleil Kooza European Premiere - Inside Arrivals(14 of26)
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Carol Vorderman seen at the European premiere of Cirque Du Soleil Kooza at the Royal Albert Hall on Tuesday, Jan. 8, 2013, in London. (Photo by Jon Furniss Photography/Invision/AP) (credit:Jon Furniss Photography/Invision/AP)
Princes Trust Comedy Gala 2012(15 of26)
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Carol Vorderman is seen at Princes Trust Comedy Gala at the Royal Albert Hall on Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2012, in London. (Photo by Jon Furniss/Invision/AP) (credit:Jon Furniss/Invision/AP)
Pride of Britain Awards London(16 of26)
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Carol Vorderman arrives for the Pride of Britain Awards in Grosvenor Hotel, central London, which celebrate heroism and bravery, Monday, Oct. 29, 2012. (Photo by Joel Ryan/Invision/AP) (credit:Joel Ryan/Invision/AP)
Britain National Television Awards(17 of26)
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Carol Vorderman arrives for the National Television Awards at the 02 Arena in east London, Wednesday, Jan. 25, 2012. (AP Photo/Joel Ryan) (credit:ASSOCIATED PRESS)
Carol Vorderman Presents AW14 Isme Collection(18 of26)
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LONDON, ENGLAND - JUNE 05: Carol Vorderman attends a photocall to launch her AW14 collection for isme on June 5, 2014 in London, England. (Photo by Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images) (credit:Gareth Cattermole via Getty Images)
The Prince Of Wales And Duchess Of Cornwall Attend A Memorial Service For Sir David Frost(19 of26)
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LONDON, ENGLAND - MARCH 13: Carol Vorderman attends a memorial service for Sir David Frost at Westminster Abbey on March 13, 2014 in London, England. (Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images) (credit:Chris Jackson via Getty Images)
The 2014 British Academy Games Awards - Arrivals(20 of26)
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LONDON, ENGLAND - MARCH 12: Carol Vorderman attends the 2014 British Academy Games Awards at Tobacco Dock on March 12, 2014 in London, England. (Photo by Anthony Harvey/Getty Images) (credit:Anthony Harvey via Getty Images)
British Comedy Awards - Red Carpet Arrivals(21 of26)
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LONDON, ENGLAND - DECEMBER 12: Carol Vorderman attends the British Comedy Awards at Fountain Studios on December 12, 2013 in London, England. (Photo by Anthony Harvey/Getty Images) (credit:Anthony Harvey via Getty Images)
Pride Of Britain Awards - Red Carpet Arrivals(22 of26)
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LONDON, ENGLAND - OCTOBER 07: Carol Vorderman attends the Pride of Britain awards at Grosvenor House on October 7, 2013 in London, England. (Photo by Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images) (credit:Gareth Cattermole via Getty Images)
GQ 25th Anniversary(23 of26)
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LONDON, ENGLAND - NOVEMBER 12: Carol Vorderman arrives for the GQ 25th Anniversary Exhibition at Phillips De Pury on November 12, 2013 in London, England. (Photo by Stuart C. Wilson/Getty Images) (credit:Stuart C. Wilson via Getty Images)
Vorderman to leave Loose Women(24 of26)
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File photo dated 12/12/2013 of Carol Vorderman, who has said she is sad to be quitting Loose Women. (credit:Chris Radburn/PA Wire)
Motor Racing - Formula One World Championship - 2014 British Grand Prix - Practice 3 and Qualifying - Silverstone Circuit(25 of26)
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Carol Vorderman sits in the Mercedes' garage during practice three for the 2014 British Grand Prix at Silverstone Circuit, Towcester. PRESS ASSOCIASTION Photo. Picture date: Saturday July 5, 2014. See PA story AUTO British. Photo credit should read: David Davies/PA Wire. (credit:David Davies/PA Wire)
BAFTA Games Awards 2014 - London(26 of26)
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Carol Vorderman arriving at the BAFTA Games Awards 2014, Tobacco Dock, London. (credit:Doug Peters/Doug Peters)

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