Don't Mess With Piers Morgan - Alan Carr(01 of12)
Open Image ModalAlan Carr
What's the beef?All poor Alan did was say he wouldn't mind Piers' job on BGT, and in response he got called "whiny", "repugnant", "mediocre" and "annoying".Did it all end in tears?Alan said he refused to be "drawn into an argument with someone whose face resembles a butternut squash" - which isn't exactly turning the other cheek - but it sort of fizzled out there.Who won?Alan - because Piers' initial attack was way OTT and because he boasted about his viewing figures again (yawn). (credit: PA) (credit:PA)
Don't Mess With Piers Morgan - Jeremy Clarkson(02 of12)
Open Image ModalJeremy Clarkson
What's the beef?Piers and Top Gear host Jezza have got one of the longest-running (and most entertaining) feuds in showbizland. It all started when, in his former life as a journo, Piers published a story about Clarkson allegedly having a bit of extra-marital rumpy pumpy.Did it all end in tears?Fisticuffs actually. Jezza took a swing at Piers in front of a room full of journalists at the 2004 Press Awards. We think Piers kept his cool though.Who won?This one is a long way from over, but Piers seems to have the upper hand at the moment. Jezza recently declared that he wouldn't appear on Piers' new US chat show - leaving the net wide open for Piers to point out that nobody in America knows who he is anyway. (credit: PA) (credit:PA)
Don't Mess With Piers Morgan - Stephen Fry(03 of12)
Open Image ModalStephen Fry
What's the beef?Piers said what many had no doubt been thinking, agreeing with the Twitter user who had labelled Stephen Fry "boring" - causing him to flounce off of the social networking site.Did it all end in tears?Knowing how fragile Fry's ego seems to be, we wouldn't be surprised if it did. Literally.Who won?Criticising Stephen Fry is a bit like scolding a naughty puppy. It might be necessary but you're never going to win any popularity contests if you do it in public. We'd call this a no-score draw. (credit: PA) (credit:PA)
Don't Mess With Piers Morgan - Ian Hislop(04 of12)
Open Image ModalIan Hislop
What's the beef?For once here's a feud that Piers definitely didn't start. Private Eye editor and Have I Got News For You regular Ian Hislop has been calling Piers "Piers Moron" for years in his magazine.Did it all end in tears?There were angry exchanges when Piers was a guest presenter on HIGNFY, with Hislop accusing Piers of having him followed and Clive Anderson adding: "The last time I was rude to you, you sent photographers to my doorstep the next day."Who won?Hislop, after Piers later threw in the towel by saying: "The war is over. I'm officially calling an end to hostilities, at least from my end. I'm sure it won't stop him carrying on his 'Piers Moron' stuff." (credit: PA) (credit:PA)
Don't Mess With Piers Morgan -Amanda Holden(05 of12)
Open Image ModalAmanda Holden
What's the beef?She called Piers "a pompous pain in the arse" when they were both judges on Britain's Got Talent. And she added: "I don't know how he was ever a newspaper editor. He needs editing himself."Did it all end in tears?We suspect it was all staged in typical TV trash-talking style, but still Piers seemed a bit harsh when he responded: "I'm not Amanda. I don't share her view that you should sell your wedding and tell all about your sex texts."Who won?Who cares? (credit: PA) (credit:PA)
Don't Mess With Piers Morgan - Madonna(06 of12)
Open Image ModalMadonna
What's the beef?Piers hit the headlines when he declared that he wouldn't be booking Madge for his chat show, saying: "She is so boring. She is too vegan for TV. We have Lady Gaga now so Madonna is banned from my show."Did it all end in tears?Piers must have been frustrated when he realised he'd set Madge's publicist up to say: "Madonna doesn't know who Piers Morgan is but she's a big fan of Lady Gaga."Who won?Madge, hands down - even though Piers is still carping on about how "bloody irritating" he finds her. (credit: PA) (credit:PA)
Don't Mess With Piers Morgan - Chris Moyles(07 of12)
Open Image ModalChris Moyles
What's the beef?When Jonathan Ross chose not to respond to Piersy's jibes, his BBC chum Chris Moyles was only too happy to fight his corner for him - labelling Piers "the most deluded man on the planet".Did it all end in tears?Piers didn't hesitate to get stuck in, calling Moyles "lardy boy" and later upping the ante by describing him as "a revolting, foul-mouthed, offensive braggart".Who won?How can you pick between these two fine specimens? Moyles later called Piers "slime" - but it's not over yet. (credit: PA) (credit:PA)
Don't Mess With Piers Morgan - Heather Mills(08 of12)
Open Image ModalHeather Mills
What's the beef?In one of his trademark bits of name-dropping, Piers apologised to the world for introducing his hero Sir Paul McCartney to "one of the world's great gold diggers".Did it all end in tears?We don't know if Heather is capable of crying, but we could certainly hear her sharpening her nails after reading that comment. She responded: "I was very surprised that a reputable station such as CNN could hire such as disreputable man. It seems the USA is completely unaware of the damage he did to our brave British soldiers."Who won?Heather, easily. Her calculated understanding of what flicks the Americans' switches (brave soldiers) makes Piers look like a clumsy amateur. (credit: PA) (credit:PA)
Don't Mess With Piers Morgan - Ringo Starr(09 of12)
Open Image ModalRingo Starr
What's the beef?Macca might have been Piers' hero, but he clearly wasn't such a fan of Ringo. When the Beatles' drummer refused to sign an autograph for an OAP Piers labelled him "disgusting", "selfish", "greedy" and "thoughtless".Did it all end in tears?Well, we doubt Ringo was crying himself to sleep at night - or Piers for that matter.Who won?Hmmm. Ringo didn't lower himself to answer. But Piers made the headlines - so that was probabluy a "win" to him. (credit: PA) (credit:PA)
Don't Mess With Piers Morgan - Lord Sugar(10 of12)
Open Image ModalLord Sugar
What's the beef?As soon as Piers joined Twitter he started bickering with The Apprentice tycoon Alan Sugar - which got tiresome after about 30 mins.Did it all end in tears?No chance. Unfortunately for us, their panto-style squabbling is still going on.Who won?Nobody. Only the people following them on Twitter lose. (credit: PA) (credit:PA)
Don't Mess With Piers Morgan - Carol Vorderman(11 of12)
Open Image ModalCarol Vorderman
What's the beef?We're not sure about the backstory to this one, but it kicked off when Carol had a pop at Piers - claiming that he'd exaggerated the viewing figures for his TV launch in the US and comparing his figures to Jeremy Kyle's.Did it all end in tears?Well, he retorted that she "couldn't get arrested" on TV and then she lost her rag a bit and referred to the dodgy share-ramping affair that he was involved with at the Mirror.Who won?We'll have to call this one for Piers, but only because he kept his cool - assisted by Kirstie Allsop tweeting him words to the effect of "she aint worth it". (credit: PA) (credit:PA)
Don't Mess With Piers Morgan - Jonathan Ross(12 of12)
Open Image ModalJonathan Ross
What's the beef?We're not sure exactly what Wossy did to rile Piers, but he never seems to tire of having a pop at the UK's king of chat (oh hang on, is that a clue?).Did it all end in tears?Since Wossy has the thickest skin of any animal on the planet, we doubt it very much. He's soaked up being called "a talentless little f***wit" and a "kiss-a**e" and ignored Piers saying "If I were him I'd shoot myself".Who won?Wossy. All this name calling is a little undignified, even for Piers. (credit: PA) (credit:PA)