'The Secret Life Of Students' Review - Shocking, And Nothing We Didn't Already Know And Fear To Be True

REVIEW: Secret Life Of Students - Shocking, But Not Surprising
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All those stereotypes about students drinking and bonking their grants away were reassuringly reinforced on last night's first episode of 'Secret Life of Students' on Channel 4.

The show drew an impressive audience just short of a million, with the largest share of 16 -34 year olds - unsurprising, really, as what we learned in the show was that students like, pretty much more than anything, talking about and looking at themselves.

Secret Life of Students
The Secret Life of Students(01 of05)
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The Secret Life of Students(02 of05)
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The Secret Life of Students(03 of05)
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The Secret Life of Students(04 of05)
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The Secret Life of Students(05 of05)
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The show's unique selling point was the technology that enabled viewers into their minds. This was more fitting and analogous than it was rewarding. Channel 4 quite rightly spotted that social media platforms were the best of tapping into the inner psyches of these young minds at Leicester University, and it was quite diverting, with all the texts, tweets and social updates popping up on screen.

Unfortunately, the jewels on offer weren't quite up to the effort involved. Even ignoring the ever-present use of OMG, LOL LMFO etc etc, there was just too much of the "smashing n dashing" (apparently young-people's code for making swift apology and exit after a one-night stand) and Neknominating, care of Menopace capsules and a fish's head.

To be fair, most of this was the work of one extroverted man Aiden, who sadly caught chlamydia for his efforts, and then went round telling everyone. Which is kind of socially responsible, I suppose.

And, to balance it all, we had booky Lauren, teetotal and overwhelmed by it all, eventually finding solace in the student Labour Party - a cliche to balance any of Aiden's antics.

Reasons to carry on watching? To see if Lauren finds a way of happily inhabiting her own skin like a female star in a John Hughes film, or if peer pressure will out. Or perhaps she and Aidan will get together for Leicester's own Love Story. Watch this space.

17 Things We Know To Be True In The Secret Life of Students
Pretty much all students have done gap years. Standard.(01 of17)
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(credit:Channel 4)
.. And every student who went on a gap yah went to Thailand(02 of17)
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(credit:Channel 4)
Contraception is the funniest gift, eva. Spesh when you open it in front of your dad(03 of17)
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(credit:Channel 4)
Would you rather.. is still the best game on earth(04 of17)
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"Would you rather watch your parents have sex for a year, or would you join them once to make it stop?" (credit:Channel 4)
A creepy wink is the fool-proof way of sussing out the d*ckheads(05 of17)
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Yes, yes he winked at me. (credit:Channel 4)
There are two reasons why people go to uni(06 of17)
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1: To have fun2: To get laid (credit:Channel 4)
There'll always be one guy who thinks sexism is bants(07 of17)
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#BANTS (credit:Channel 4)
You might be merrily waving your parents off for the first time(08 of17)
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But inside.. you're crying out DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!! (credit:Channel 4)
You're bezzies are totes amaze(09 of17)
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And you text them all the time. Every minute of every hour of every day.It is absolutely of supreme importance they know every time you fart or sneeze (credit:Channel 4)
The 'I'm the last to pull so I must be ugly' fear will raise its horrible head at least once(10 of17)
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The first time you meet your new flatmates is super awks. Lol.X(11 of17)
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Some people will do anything to get drunk(12 of17)
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Including putting vodka up their arse through tampons#barelolz (credit:Channel 4)
One word: Neknominate(13 of17)
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The shame of one night stands is like no other shame(14 of17)
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There is no night out without pre-drinks(15 of17)
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.. Or playing I have never, for that matter
But even if you don't fit in with the majority, it'll still be OK(16 of17)
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(credit:Channel 4)
And you'll push yourself further than you ever thought you could(17 of17)
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(credit:Channel 4)