The Apprentice's 14 Most Ridiculous Quotes From Episode 1 | HuffPost

The Apprentice: The 14 Most Ridiculous Quotes From Episode 1

Caroline Frost— The Huffington Post UK

|

So it's back, in all its belt-and-braces greed-is-good glory, with Lord Sugar failing to crack a smile through the first episode of 'The Apprentice', now in its tenth year.

MORE: Meet This Year's Apprentice Candidates 2014

Some things never change, with the candidates each revealing an impressive chasm between their self-belief and their actual abilities. But some things do change, with project manager Sarah's instruction to her female team members to lather on the slap and wear a short skirt an almost post-modern take on the boardroom etiquette of yesteryear. I mean, she's being ironic, right?

Greed is good - just keep telling yourself that, Daniel

Anyhow, here to kick us off, were the 14 most ridiculous words overheard in Episode 1, proving that there's no fool like a financially ambitious one. Who's your favourite to win thus far? Let us know below...

The Apprentice: Episode 1's Most Ridiculous Quotes

(01 of14)

(credit:Mark's been on a self-assertiveness course... in 1988,)

(02 of14)

(credit:Daniel hides his light under a bushel.)

(03 of14)

(credit:Robert has quite a specific visual fear. )

(04 of14)

(credit:Lord Sugar pours cold ice on Steven's geographically diverse CV)

(05 of14)

(credit:Like Lord Sugar, we were a bit confused by Scott's self-perception)

(06 of14)

(credit:Robert brushes off perceived criticism. Wear that velvet jacket and be proud!)

(07 of14)

(credit:Lord Sugar fails to embrace his East London roots. )

(08 of14)

(credit:Felipe talking about himself in the 3rd person, like Sarah Ferguson or Geri Halliwell.)

(09 of14)

(credit:Steven putting his hand out at the request stop for the N7. )

(10 of14)

(credit:No, Nick Hewer, we can't believe it either. )

(11 of14)

(credit:Lord Sugar makes a half-hearted effort to stand up for Steven.)

(12 of14)

(credit:Felipe discussing sales strategy, the challenges of team leadership… dressed as a hot dog)

(13 of14)

(credit:Nick Hewer gives his best Bond villain impression. )

(14 of14)

(credit:Felipe cuts to the heart of this, or any other, matter.)

Here they are... who's got winner emblazoned on his/her forehead from the off? Easy to spot?

Meet The 2014 'Apprentice' Candidates

Bianca Miller(01 of20)

In her own words: "I regret not becoming a scientist so I could clone myself and be more successful in half the time." (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Mark Wright (No... Not That One)(02 of20)

In his own words: "I’m very, very aggressive. I will not leave the room without getting a sale." (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Nurun Ahmed(03 of20)

In her own words: "I’m the type of person that doesn’t take five hours to do one job, I do 20 jobs in five hours." (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Scott McCulloch(04 of20)

In his own words: "From the minute I wake up to the minute I go to sleep, making money and conducting business is on my mind." (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Jemma Bird(05 of20)

In her own words: “I’m always the girl that nearly wins, I’m hoping this time it will be different.” (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Robert Goodwin(06 of20)

In his own words: "I’m fearless, and if I don’t shut up about something, you should just trust it’s a well thought out decision." (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

James Hill(07 of20)

In his own words: "Me and Lord Sugar could build an empire together. I think I am him when he was my age." (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Lauren Riley(08 of20)

In her own words: “I’m absolutely not a shrinking violet. I’m very known for speaking my own mind.” (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Steven Ugoalah(09 of20)

In his own words: "I can deliver in minus 50; I can deliver in plus 10. If we went to Mars right now, I’d find a way to be excellent." (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Ella Jade Bitton(10 of20)

In her own words: “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Felipe Alviar-Baquero(11 of20)

In his own words: “I studied law because I wanted to change the world. But my real passion is business.” (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Sarah Dales(12 of20)

In her own words: "I am the pioneer and the ground breaker, and I possess all the talents to succeed." (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Daniel Lassman(13 of20)

In his own words: "I will out-sell them, I will out-class them and I will perform the best just by being me." (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Pamela Uddin(14 of20)

In her own words: “I am street and people savvy as well as being business savvy.” (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Sanjay Sood-Smith(15 of20)

In his own words: “If I had to choose between friendship and profit I’d choose profit. I’m not in this process to make friends with people, I’m here to win.” (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Roisin Hogan(16 of20)

In her own words: “Manipulate, persuade and conquer. I would identify my opponent’s weaknesses and pick them off one by one.” (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Solomon Akhtar(17 of20)

In his own words: “I am from the ‘ideas generation’; because of my age I understand technology and how to turn it into a business.” (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Lindsay Booth(18 of20)

In her own words: “The other candidates will underestimate how feisty I am, and how I will fight and prove that I can get to the end.” (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Chiles Cartwright(19 of20)

In his own words: “I consider myself one of the most credible candidates in this process. I don’t believe that anyone has the wealth and breadth of business acumen that I’ve gained over the years.” (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

Katie Bulmer-Cooke(20 of20)

In her own words: “In business I’m like a little stealth bomber that flies under the radar and smashes the competition before they’ve even realised I’m here.” (credit:BBC/Boundless/Jim Marks Photography)

LIKE US ON FACEBOOK | FOLLOW US ON TWITTER

Suggest a correction

|

What's Hot

'You Didn't Do It!' Minister Slapped Down By Major Economist After Taking Credit For Inflation Drop

The Nasty Truth About 'Poo Plumes' — And How To Protect Yourself From Them

Labour Easily Wins Blackpool South By-Election As Tory Vote Collapses

Trump Gets Roasted For Post Where He Praised His 'Beautiful Blue Eyes'